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Intercourse.

Discussion in 'General Chat' started by joe harts dance instructor, Sep 26, 2012.

  1. joe harts dance instructor

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    How often on average do you use your pork sword per week? at a guess I'd say 4 times.
     
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  2. Otto Flayshow

    Otto Flayshow Well-Known Member

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  3. stopmeandslapme

    stopmeandslapme Well-Known Member

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    Does intercourse with oneself count?
     
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  4. User Deleted

    User Deleted Well-Known Member

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    bout 6 times a week on average but that's all fri-sun, nowt on the other days usually
     
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  5. RAVENBLACK

    RAVENBLACK Well-Known Member

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    Yes, sex is all very well but it's not like the real thing.

    Lets face it, we are all ****ers, men and women.
     
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  6. Barrie Lochrie

    Barrie Lochrie New Member

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    #6
  7. GroveRanger

    GroveRanger Well-Known Member

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    I have reached the age where I have to get the timing right or else there is the fear of the chap turning into a wet noodle half way through. I was once able to knock one off the wrist a couple of times a day and still be ready to breach enemy lines should the need arise. I now have to judge when the other half is up for it and not on rag week and to have a full dose of man medicine ready to off-load. Used to be the case that if I'd emptied the barracks of little soldiers then the muck canon would be still be primed but wouldn't fire for hours but nowadays there has to be a big shot ready in the barrel to ensure satisfactory discharge and it is on a hair trigger!

    A good pump keeps the missus happy for a few days so I am able to indulge in self abuse for a day or two after giving her the treatment but need at least 3 or 4 days before the ammunition is back to anywhere near battle stations. If she is working away I have to make sure she gets it the night before so she leaves with a smile on her face and I can then make a mess for a few nights with no guilt.
     
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  8. stopmeandslapme

    stopmeandslapme Well-Known Member

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    #8
  9. Gambol

    Gambol George Clooney's wee brother

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    There is only one answer to the OP's question. Not enough.
     
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  10. rogueleader

    rogueleader suave gringo

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    do you think of military metaphors for sex to delay ejaculation <laugh>
     
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  11. amarmaladian

    amarmaladian Member

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    Yep! 'Wait for iiiit!' <laugh>
     
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  12. - SW6 -

    - SW6 - Well-Known Member

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    <laugh>.
     
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  13. alwaysright

    alwaysright @ Very Angry Camel

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    Yes - but how many times has your other half responded with "You stupid boy?"
     
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  14. NobbysTeeth

    NobbysTeeth Member

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    Before last may I bet the last time the OP had intercourse was when citeh won the league in 1968!:police:
     
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  15. Gambol

    Gambol George Clooney's wee brother

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    I agree. The give away is that he calls shagging "intercourse".
     
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  16. gas

    gas ACCOUNT DELETED
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    Haven't had it since Sunday <cry>
     
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  17. Gambol

    Gambol George Clooney's wee brother

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    No had it since Saturday and won't be getting it again till next Wednesday. <blueballs>
     
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  18. gas

    gas ACCOUNT DELETED
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    When I get home tomorrow she's gonna get it right up her, the full 3 minutes worth*.

    *3 minutes includes getting the kit off, foreplay, full penetrative sex and a post sex cigarette.:)
     
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  19. GroveRanger

    GroveRanger Well-Known Member

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    When giving the missus the message I feel duty bound to ensure that she is in receipt of a decent amount of man-glue. Only right that she goes to work the next day with stinky sticky knickers.

    If you have been too busy indulging in self abuse so that all you can manage when you finish is a dry cough she is bound to notice a lack of protein in the gusset of her skants. Also, if you have emptied your sack over the keyboard/art pamphlet or all over the dog (trust me, this was a thread a while back) then you are denied the fun to be had with the resulting creampie.

    Like all good comedy, pumping the missus is all about









    Timing.
     
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