1. Log in now to remove adverts - no adverts at all to registered members!

JACK-ANORY FOR A FUNNY STORY - Joke Thread & Comedy Club

Discussion in 'Swansea City' started by swimaway, Jun 18, 2011.

Page 413 of 865
  1. swantastic

    swantastic Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jun 5, 2011
    Messages:
    18,378
    Likes Received:
    30,519
     
    #8241
    swantastic, Jul 12, 2020
    Wooperts_duck, daimungeezer and TheRealBubbles like this.
  2. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    144,458
    Likes Received:
    263,451
    An attorney arrived home late, after a very tough day trying to get a stay of execution. His last-minute plea for clemency to the governor had failed and he was feeling worn out and depressed...
    As soon as he walked through the door at home, his wife started on him about, 'What time of night to be getting home is this? Where have you been? Dinner is cold and I'm not reheating it.' And on and on and on.
    Too shattered to play his usual role in this familiar ritual, he poured himself a shot of whiskey and headed off for a long hot soak in the bathtub, pursued by the predictable sarcastic remarks as he dragged himself up the stairs.
    While he was in the bath, the phone rang. The wife answered and was told that her husband's client, James Wright, had been granted a stay of execution after all. Wright would not be hanged tonight.
    Finally realizing what a terrible day he must have had, she decided to go upstairs and give him the good news. As she opened the bathroom door, she was greeted by the sight of her husband, bent over naked, drying his legs and feet.
    'They're not hanging Wright tonight,' she said.
    He whirled around and screamed, 'FOR THE LOVE OF GOD WOMAN, DON'T YOU EVER STOP F*CKIN COMPLAINING...?!'
     
    #8242
    Wooperts_duck, Jul 13, 2020
    daimungeezer likes this.
  3. swantastic

    swantastic Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jun 5, 2011
    Messages:
    18,378
    Likes Received:
    30,519
     
    #8243
    swantastic, Jul 13, 2020
    daimungeezer, TheRealBubbles and Wooperts_duck like this.
  4. swantastic

    swantastic Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jun 5, 2011
    Messages:
    18,378
    Likes Received:
    30,519
     
    #8244
    swantastic, Jul 13, 2020
    daimungeezer and TheRealBubbles like this.
  5. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    144,458
    Likes Received:
    263,451
    A guy was getting ready to tee off on the first hole when a second golfer approached and asked if he could join him. The first said that he usually played alone, but agreed to the twosome.
    They were even after the first two holes. The second guy said, "We're about evenly matched, how about playing for five bucks a hole?"
    The first guy said that he wasn't much for betting, but agreed to the terms. The second guy won the remaining sixteen holes with ease.
    As they were walking off number eighteen, the second guy was busy counting his $80.00. He confessed that he was the pro at the neighbouring course and liked to pick on suckers.
    The first fellow revealed that he was the Parish Priest The pro was flustered and apologetic, offering to return the money.
    The Priest said, "You won fair and square, and I was foolish to bet with you. You keep your winnings."
    The pro said, "Is there anything I can do to make it up to you?"
    The Priest said, "Well, you could come to Mass on Sunday and make a donation. And, if you want to, bring your Mother and Father along, and I'll marry them..."
     
    #8245
    Wooperts_duck, Jul 13, 2020
    swantastic, daimungeezer and Taffvalerowdy like this.
  6. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    144,458
    Likes Received:
    263,451
    please log in to view this image
     
    #8246
    Wooperts_duck, Jul 13, 2020
    daimungeezer, TheRealBubbles, Taffvalerowdy and 1 other person like this.
  7. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    144,458
    Likes Received:
    263,451
    please log in to view this image
     
    #8247
    Wooperts_duck, Jul 13, 2020
    daimungeezer, TheRealBubbles and Taffvalerowdy like this.
  8. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    144,458
    Likes Received:
    263,451
    please log in to view this image
     
    #8248
    Wooperts_duck, Jul 13, 2020
    daimungeezer and Taffvalerowdy like this.
  9. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    144,458
    Likes Received:
    263,451
    please log in to view this image
     
    #8249
    Wooperts_duck, Jul 13, 2020
    daimungeezer, TheRealBubbles and Taffvalerowdy like this.
  10. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    144,458
    Likes Received:
    263,451
    please log in to view this image
     
    #8250
    Wooperts_duck, Jul 13, 2020
    daimungeezer, TheRealBubbles and Taffvalerowdy like this.

  11. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    144,458
    Likes Received:
    263,451
    please log in to view this image
     
    #8251
    Wooperts_duck, Jul 13, 2020
    daimungeezer, TheRealBubbles and Taffvalerowdy like this.
  12. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    144,458
    Likes Received:
    263,451
    A young widow goes to see her gynecologist for an examination. He says to her "You're still a virgin but you've been married three times, how come?"
    The widow replies "My first husband was an astronomer, all he did was stare at it. The second was a psychologist, all he did was talk to it. My third husband was a stamp collector, bloody hell, I do miss him"
     
    #8252
    Wooperts_duck, Jul 13, 2020
    daimungeezer and Taffvalerowdy like this.
  13. TheRealBubbles

    TheRealBubbles Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jun 3, 2018
    Messages:
    3,127
    Likes Received:
    7,531
    Brilliant
     
    #8253
    TheRealBubbles, Jul 14, 2020
  14. swantastic

    swantastic Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jun 5, 2011
    Messages:
    18,378
    Likes Received:
    30,519
     
    #8254
    swantastic, Jul 14, 2020
    daimungeezer and Wooperts_duck like this.
  15. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    144,458
    Likes Received:
    263,451
    please log in to view this image
     
    #8255
    Wooperts_duck, Jul 14, 2020
    daimungeezer likes this.
  16. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    144,458
    Likes Received:
    263,451
    please log in to view this image
     
    #8256
    Wooperts_duck, Jul 14, 2020
    daimungeezer and neveroffsidereff like this.
  17. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    144,458
    Likes Received:
    263,451
    please log in to view this image
     
    #8257
    Wooperts_duck, Jul 14, 2020
    daimungeezer likes this.
  18. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    144,458
    Likes Received:
    263,451
    please log in to view this image
     
    #8258
    Wooperts_duck, Jul 14, 2020
    daimungeezer likes this.
  19. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    144,458
    Likes Received:
    263,451
    Due to my total obsession with Police interview techniques, my wife has told me that she’s leaving me.

    For the benefit of the tape she left at 9.07 am :
     
    #8259
    Wooperts_duck, Jul 14, 2020
    daimungeezer likes this.
  20. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    144,458
    Likes Received:
    263,451
    please log in to view this image
     
    #8260
    Wooperts_duck, Jul 14, 2020
    daimungeezer likes this.
Page 413 of 865

Share This Page