God was talking to St Peter one day and he said. "Earth is almost complete but there's still one thing left to do." "I'm going to create a country which will be the jewel in the crown. It will have mountains which will be covered in snow in the Winter. It will have valleys where the people can live with their livestock. The woods and forests will be full of different animals and the rivers will teem with fish. Its golden beaches will attract visitors from all over the world." "The people who live there will be the happiest and friendliest on Earth and they will be liked wherever they go." "I am going to call this country WALES." St Peter. "My Lord this country sounds amazing it will be perfect." God. "Not quite Pete. Wait until you see the neighbours I'm gonna give them."
Just spotted Sinead O'Connor bird-watching. I asked how she was getting on. She said, "so far it's been 7 owls and 15 jays"
Me & my missus favourite sexual position is called the ''England football team'' ! . . . Neither of us know what we're doing or why we're there, there's no passion, no communication & we never make it past the 1st stage. There's horrible dribbling & never a clean sheet. Its over far too quickly & when it does end I know it'll be at least another four fkn years before it happens again!
I was eating a burger when a lady come by with a salad. She said you know that a cow died so you could eat that. I said if you weren't eating all its food it probably wouldn't have
Who said that Men can't multitask, after some practice I can now listen to the wife and ignore her at the same time !
I am starting a protest tomorrow. "Fat Lives Matter" Meeting at McDonald's at 10 KFC at 11 BurgerKing at 12 Gregg's at 1