JACK-ANORY FOR A FUNNY STORY - Joke Thread & Comedy Club

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Amen to that.

 

Where the email address so I can start my claim. Mr Jones was a mean bastard, threw one at me and I say “missed” but he was a machine gun with the second one hit me two seconds later.

 

Woodwork teacher threw mallets at us ! Gym teacher relay batten across back of legs and whipped with climbing rope, but They were happy days mostly whenbothered to go !

 

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I went to Penlan. Didn't do me any harm...

 

A man is seeking to join the Metropolitan Police force.
The Sergeant doing the interview says:
Your qualifications all look good, but there is an attitude suitability test that you must take before you can be accepted."
Then, sliding a Tazer across the desk, he says:
"Take this, and go out and shoot six illegal immigrants, six drug dealers, six Muslim extremists, and a rabbit.
The man being interviewed asks, "Why the rabbit?
"Great attitude," says the Sergeant. "When can you start?"

 

A very large woman, wearing a sleeveless sun dress, walked into a bar.
She raised her right arm, revealing a huge, hairy armpit as she pointed to all the people sitting at the bar and asked, "What man here will buy a lady a drink?
The bar went silent as the patrons tried to ignore her. But down at the end of the bar, an owly-eyed, dissipated drunk slammed his hand down on the counter and bellowed, "Give the ballerina a drink!"
The bartender poured the drink and the woman chugged it down. She turned to the patrons and again pointed around at all of them, revealing the same hairy armpit, and asked, "What man here will buy a lady a drink?"
Once again, the same little drunk slapped his money down on the bar and said, "Give the ballerina another drink!"
The bartender approached the little drunk and said, "I say, old chap, it's your business if you want to buy the lady a drink, but why do you keep calling her the ballerina?"
The drunk replied, "Any woman who can lift her leg that high has got to be a ballerina!"

 

A young woman was taking golf lessons and had just started playing her first round of golf when she suffered a bee sting. Her pain was so intense that she decided to return to the clubhouse for medical assistance. The golf pro saw her heading back and said, “You are back early, what’s wrong?” “I was stung by a bee!” she said. “Where?” he asked. “Between the first and second hole.” she replied. He nodded and said, “Your stance is far too wide.”