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JACK-ANORY FOR A FUNNY STORY - Joke Thread & Comedy Club

Discussion in 'Swansea City' started by swimaway, Jun 18, 2011.

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  1. duggie2000

    duggie2000 Well-Known Member

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    #14341
    duggie2000, Dec 3, 2022
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  2. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    Tired of constant blonde jokes, a blonde dyes her hair brown.

    She then goes for a drive in the country and sees a shepherd herding his sheep across the road.

    "Hey, shepherd, if I guess how many sheep are here, can I keep one?"

    The shepherd is puzzled but agrees. She blurts out "352!"

    He is stunned but keeps his word and allows her to pick a sheep.

    "I'll take this one," she says proudly. "It's the cutest!"

    "Hey lady," says the shepherd, "if I guess your real hair colour, can I have my dog back?"
     
    #14342
    Makemstine Roger, Dec 4, 2022
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  3. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    #14343
    Makemstine Roger, Dec 4, 2022
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  4. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    #14344
    Makemstine Roger, Dec 4, 2022
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  5. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    #14345
    Makemstine Roger, Dec 4, 2022
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  6. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    #14346
    Makemstine Roger, Dec 4, 2022
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  7. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    #14347
    Makemstine Roger, Dec 4, 2022
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  8. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    #14348
    Makemstine Roger, Dec 4, 2022
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  9. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    A little girl asks her mum, 'Mum, can I take the dog for a walk around
    the block?'
    Her mum replies 'No, because she is on heat.'
    'What does that mean?' asked the child.
    'Go and ask your father. I think he's in the garage.'
    The little girl goes out to the garage and says, 'Dad, can I take Lulu
    for a walk around the block? I asked Mum, but she said the dog was on
    the heat, and to come ask you.'
    He took a rag, soaked it in petrol, and scrubbed the dog's backside with
    it to disguise the scent, and said 'Ok, you can go now, but keep Lulu on
    the leash and only go one time around the block.'
    The little girl left and returned a few minutes later with no dog on the
    leash..
    Surprised, Dad asked, 'Where's Lulu?'
    The little girl said, 'She ran out of petrol about halfway round the
    block, so another dog is pushing her home.'
     
    #14349
    Makemstine Roger, Dec 4, 2022
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  10. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    great place after a beer


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    #14350
    Makemstine Roger, Dec 4, 2022
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  11. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    #14351
    Makemstine Roger, Dec 4, 2022
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  12. swantastic

    swantastic Well-Known Member

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    #14352
    swantastic, Dec 4, 2022
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  13. swantastic

    swantastic Well-Known Member

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    #14353
    swantastic, Dec 4, 2022
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  14. swantastic

    swantastic Well-Known Member

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    #14354
    swantastic, Dec 5, 2022
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  15. Taffvalerowdy

    Taffvalerowdy Well-Known Member

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    #14355
    Taffvalerowdy, Dec 5, 2022
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  16. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    A man is visiting his wife who is in hospital in a long term Coma.

    The nurse and a Doctor pull him to one side and tell him that they've had a breakthrough. They explained that while they were washing between her legs she moved a little and made a small moaning sound. The Doctor suggests that they give him and his wife a little privacy and he tries oral sex with her to see if it simulates her out of the coma.

    He readily agrees, and they leave the room. Two minutes later all the alarms go off on the monitors and they come rushing back in. "What happened ?" asked the Doctor?

    "I don't know" says the husband "I just got going and she started gagging and choking"
     
    #14356
    Makemstine Roger, Dec 5, 2022
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  17. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    A school teacher asked her students to make a sentence containing the expression “I presume”.
    One little girl held up her hand and said: “Yesterday my mother hand washed the dinner dishes and
    I presumed that the dishwasher was broken.”
    “Very good” said the teacher.
    Another one said: “This morning, my father drove the Volkswagen out of the garage, and I presume that
    the BMW wouldn’t start.”
    “That’s excellent” says the teacher.
    Little John at the back of the classroom gets up and says “Yesterday I saw grandpa leave
    the house with a newspaper under his arm heading for the bush, and I presumed that ...”
    The teacher interrupted him and said, “I stopped you because you have no idea what your grandfather was going to do, so you can’t presume anything.”
    John says, “Please miss, let me finish my sentence.”
    The teacher says, “Very well. Continue.”
    “As I was saying, I saw my grandpa heading for the bush with a newspaper under his arm, and I presume that he was going for a **** because he can’t read.”
     
    #14357
    Makemstine Roger, Dec 5, 2022
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  18. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    #14358
    Makemstine Roger, Dec 5, 2022
  19. swantastic

    swantastic Well-Known Member

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    #14359
    swantastic, Dec 5, 2022
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  20. Taffvalerowdy

    Taffvalerowdy Well-Known Member

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    #14360
    Taffvalerowdy, Dec 5, 2022
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