Off Topic Jokes thread

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Shortly after take-off on an outbound evening Aer Lingus flight from Dublin to Boston, the lead flight attendant nervously made the following painful announcement in her lovely Irish accent:
Ladies and gentlemen, I'm so very sorry, but it appears that there has been a terrible mix-up by our catering service. I don't know how this has happened, but we have 103 passengers on board, and unfortunately, we received only 40 dinner meals. I truly apologize for this mistake. When the muttering of the passengers had died down, she continued, "Anyone who is kind enough to give up their meal so that someone else can eat will receive free, unlimited drinks for the duration of our five hour flight.
Her next announcement came about 2 hours later: "If anyone is hungry, we still have 40 dinners available."

 

I went to the cinema to see Harry Potter and was shocked to see a dog sat in the seats in front of me. He barked at the exciting bits, wagged his tail at the happy bits and growled at the sad bits. When it finished I approached his owner saying I was so surprised at the dogs reaction.
The owner replied "So was I". "He hated the book!"

 

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A manager hired a new secretary. 1st day, she noticed his fly was open. She courteously said, "Oh, sir, did you know that your barracks door is open?"

He did not understand her remark, but later saw that his zipper was open. He decided to have some fun.

Calling her in, he asked, "By the way, when you saw my barracks door open this morning, did you also see a soldier standing at attention?"

The secretary, replied, "Why, no sir. all I saw was a little old veteran, sitting on two duffel bags!!