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Off Topic Jokes thread

Discussion in 'Portsmouth' started by devonFRATTONiser, Jan 25, 2015.

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  1. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #20361
    Wooperts_duck, Sep 18, 2021
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  2. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #20362
    Wooperts_duck, Sep 18, 2021
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  3. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    New Zealand Says Keith From New Plymouth Will Shoot Any Aussie Sub That Enters Kiwi Waters
     
    #20363
    antipodean exile, Sep 19, 2021
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  4. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    A mother is driving a little girl to her friend's house for a play date. "Mommy," the little girl asks, "how old are you?"
    Honey, you are not supposed to ask a lady her age," the mother replied. "It's not polite."
    "OK", the little girl says, "How much do you weigh?"
    "Now really," the mother says, "those are personal questions and are really none of your business."Undaunted, the little girl asks, "Why did you and Daddy get a divorce?"
    "That is enough questions, young lady, honestly!"
    The exasperated mother walks away as the two friends begin to play. "My Mom won't tell me anything about her," the little girl says to her friend.
    "Well," says the friend, "all you need to do is look at her drivers' license. It is like a report card, it has everything on it."
    Later that night the little girl says to her mother, "I know how old you are, you are 32."
    The mother is surprised and asks, "How did you find that out?"
    "I also know that you weigh 140 pounds."
    The mother is past surprised and shocked now. "How in heaven's name did you find that out?"
    "And," the little girl says triumphantly, "I know why you and daddy got a divorce."
    "Oh really?" the mother asks. "Why?"
    "Because you got an F in sex."
     
    #20364
    antipodean exile, Sep 19, 2021
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  5. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    #20365
    antipodean exile, Sep 19, 2021
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  6. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    Waiting for a Saints game coming on MOTD>>>>>>>>>>
     
    #20366
    antipodean exile, Sep 19, 2021
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  7. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    #20367
    antipodean exile, Sep 19, 2021
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  8. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    Three Aussie guys, Shane, Ricky and Jeff, were working on a high-rise building project in Wagga Wagga. Unfortunately, Shane falls off the scaffolding and is killed instantly. As the ambulance takes the body away, Ricky says, 'Someone should go and tell his wife.' Jeff says, 'OK, I'm pretty good at that sensitive stuff, I'll do it.' Two hours later, he comes back carrying a case of Fosters. Ricky says, 'Where did you get that, Jeff?' 'Shane's wife gave it to me.' Ricky continues, 'That's unbelievable, you told the lady her husband was dead and she gave you the beer?' 'Well not exactly,' Jeff said. 'When she answered the door, I said to her, "You must be Shane's widow".' She said, 'No, I'm not a widow.' And I said, 'I'll bet you a case of Fosters you are.'
     
    #20368
    Wooperts_duck, Sep 19, 2021
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  9. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    At the battle of Waterloo, as the French were marching, an English soldier popped his head up & shouted “ An English soldier is worth a thousand French soldiers” Napoleon was furious, so he sent in a thousand troops, armed to the teeth, there was a huge commotion & a French soldier comes crawling back, saying, “ It’s a trap, there’s two of them”
     
    #20369
    Wooperts_duck, Sep 19, 2021
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  10. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #20370
    Wooperts_duck, Sep 19, 2021
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  11. antipodean exile

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    #20371
    antipodean exile, Sep 20, 2021
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  12. antipodean exile

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    #20372
    antipodean exile, Sep 20, 2021
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  13. antipodean exile

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    #20373
    antipodean exile, Sep 20, 2021
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  14. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    In Cornwall
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    #20374
    antipodean exile, Sep 20, 2021
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  15. antipodean exile

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    #20375
    antipodean exile, Sep 20, 2021
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  16. antipodean exile

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    #20376
    antipodean exile, Sep 20, 2021
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  17. antipodean exile

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    #20377
    antipodean exile, Sep 20, 2021
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  18. antipodean exile

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    #20378
    antipodean exile, Sep 20, 2021
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  19. antipodean exile

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    #20379
    antipodean exile, Sep 20, 2021
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  20. antipodean exile

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    #20380
    antipodean exile, Sep 20, 2021
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