I have everything that I wanted as a teenager, only 60 years later. I don't have to go to school or work. I get an allowance every month. I have my own pad. I don't have a curfew. I have a driver's license and my own car. The people I hang around with are not scared of getting anyone pregnant and I don't have acne. Life is great. I changed my car horn to gunshot sounds. People get out of the way much faster now. Gone are the days when girls used to cook like their mothers. Now they drink like their fathers. I didn't make it to the gym today. That makes five years in a row. I decided to stop calling the bathroom "John" and renamed it the "Jim". I feel so much better saying I went to the Jim this morning. Old age is coming at a really bad time. When I was a child I thought "nap time" was a punishment. Now it feels like a small vacation. The biggest lie I tell myself is... " I don't have to write that down, I'll remember it". I don't have gray hair... I have "wisdom highlights"! I'm just very wise. If God wanted me to touch my toes, He would've put them on my knees. Last year I joined a support group for procrastinators. We haven't met yet. Why do I have to press one for English when you're just going to transfer me to someone I can't understand anyway? Of course, I talk to myself. Sometimes I need expert advice. At my age "Getting Lucky" means walking into a room and remembering what I came In there for. I have more friends I should send this to, but right now I can't remember their names. Now, I'm wondering... did I send this to you, or did you send it to me?
A woman was walking down the street with her blouse open and her right breast hanging out. A police officer was approaching , thinking to himself, "Boy, my eyes must be going. It looks like that woman is hanging out of her blouse." As he got closer, it became apparent that she really WAS hanging out. When the officer came face to face with the woman, he said, "Miss, are you aware that I could arrest you for indecent exposure?" "Why, officer?" the woman asked. "Well," said the officer, "Your right breast is hanging out of your blouse." The woman quickly looked down and exclaimed, "OMG, I left the baby on the bus!"
A couger went into a bar in Austin Tx and saw a cowboy with his feet propped up on a table, he had the biggest boots she had ever seen. The older lady asked the man " is it true what they say that men with big feet are well endowed?". The man grinned and said.. "Sure is little lady why don't you come to my apartment and let me prove it to you?". The lady considered she might never get an offer like this again and was curious to find out for herself so she spent the night with him. The next morning she handed him $100 bill.blushing he said "Well thank you I'm really flattered...no one has ever paid me for my 'services 'before!". "Don't be flattered "she replied" Take the money and buy yourself boots that fit please log in to view this image please log in to view this image