1. Log in now to remove adverts - no adverts at all to registered members!

Off Topic Jokes thread

Discussion in 'Portsmouth' started by devonFRATTONiser, Jan 25, 2015.

  1. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    143,807
    Likes Received:
    262,450
    please log in to view this image
     
    #12301
    antipodean exile likes this.
  2. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    143,807
    Likes Received:
    262,450
    please log in to view this image
     
    #12302
    antipodean exile likes this.
  3. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    143,807
    Likes Received:
    262,450
    please log in to view this image
     
    #12303
    antipodean exile likes this.
  4. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    143,807
    Likes Received:
    262,450
    please log in to view this image
     
    #12304
    antipodean exile likes this.
  5. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    143,807
    Likes Received:
    262,450
    please log in to view this image
     
    #12305
    antipodean exile likes this.
  6. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    143,807
    Likes Received:
    262,450
    please log in to view this image
     
    #12306
    antipodean exile likes this.
  7. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    143,807
    Likes Received:
    262,450
    A couple, both age 78, went to a sex therapist's office. The doctor asked, "What can I do for you?"

    The man said, "Will you watch us have sex?"

    The doctor looked puzzled, but agreed.

    When the couple finished, the doctor said, "There's nothing wrong with the way you have sex," and charged them $50.

    This happened several weeks in a row. The couple would make an appointment, have sex with no problems, pay the doctor, then leave.

    Finally, the doctor asked, "Just exactly what are you trying to find out?"

    "We're not trying to find out anything," the husband replied.
    "She's married and we can't go to her house. I'm married and we can't go to my house. The Holiday Inn charges $90. The Hilton charges $108. We do it here for $50...and I get $43 back from Medicare.
     
    #12307
    antipodean exile likes this.
  8. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    143,807
    Likes Received:
    262,450
    Dave recently landed a job working at the local Cemetery, and said he has discovered what he believes to be the Tombstone of the oldest man ever to live.

    I said “Go on…?”

    Dave said “He was 193, and his name was Miles from Dublin”
     
    #12308
    antipodean exile likes this.
  9. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    143,807
    Likes Received:
    262,450
    I've just got a job making plastic Draculas
    There are only two of us on the production line.

    So I have to make every second Count .
     
    #12309
  10. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Mar 22, 2012
    Messages:
    29,259
    Likes Received:
    27,420
    A set of golf clubs walks into a bar.
    “What’ll you have”?
    “Nothing for me, I’m the driver.”
     
    #12310

  11. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Mar 22, 2012
    Messages:
    29,259
    Likes Received:
    27,420
    I wanted to marry my English teacher when she got out of jail, but apparently you can’t end a sentence with a proposition.
     
    #12311
    Wooperts_duck likes this.
  12. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Mar 22, 2012
    Messages:
    29,259
    Likes Received:
    27,420
    Q: How much did the pirate pay for his peg and hook?
    A: An arm and a leg.
     
    #12312
    Wooperts_duck likes this.
  13. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Mar 22, 2012
    Messages:
    29,259
    Likes Received:
    27,420
    please log in to view this image
     
    #12313
    Wooperts_duck likes this.
  14. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Mar 22, 2012
    Messages:
    29,259
    Likes Received:
    27,420
    please log in to view this image
     
    #12314
    Wooperts_duck likes this.
  15. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Mar 22, 2012
    Messages:
    29,259
    Likes Received:
    27,420
    please log in to view this image
     
    #12315
    Wooperts_duck likes this.
  16. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Mar 22, 2012
    Messages:
    29,259
    Likes Received:
    27,420
    please log in to view this image
     
    #12316
    Wooperts_duck likes this.
  17. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Mar 22, 2012
    Messages:
    29,259
    Likes Received:
    27,420
    please log in to view this image
     
    #12317
  18. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Mar 22, 2012
    Messages:
    29,259
    Likes Received:
    27,420
    please log in to view this image
     
    #12318
    Wooperts_duck likes this.
  19. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Mar 22, 2012
    Messages:
    29,259
    Likes Received:
    27,420
    please log in to view this image
     
    #12319
    Wooperts_duck likes this.
  20. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Mar 22, 2012
    Messages:
    29,259
    Likes Received:
    27,420
    please log in to view this image
    please log in to view this image
     
    #12320
    Wooperts_duck likes this.

Share This Page