1. Log in now to remove adverts - no adverts at all to registered members!

Off Topic Jokes thread

Discussion in 'Portsmouth' started by devonFRATTONiser, Jan 25, 2015.

  1. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Mar 22, 2012
    Messages:
    29,276
    Likes Received:
    27,429
    please log in to view this image
     
    #18761
    Wooperts_duck likes this.
  2. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Mar 22, 2012
    Messages:
    29,276
    Likes Received:
    27,429
    please log in to view this image
     
    #18762
  3. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Mar 22, 2012
    Messages:
    29,276
    Likes Received:
    27,429
    please log in to view this image
     
    #18763
    Wooperts_duck likes this.
  4. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Mar 22, 2012
    Messages:
    29,276
    Likes Received:
    27,429
    please log in to view this image
     
    #18764
    Wooperts_duck likes this.
  5. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Mar 22, 2012
    Messages:
    29,276
    Likes Received:
    27,429
    please log in to view this image
     
    #18765
    Wooperts_duck likes this.
  6. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Mar 22, 2012
    Messages:
    29,276
    Likes Received:
    27,429
    please log in to view this image
     
    #18766
    Wooperts_duck likes this.
  7. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Mar 22, 2012
    Messages:
    29,276
    Likes Received:
    27,429
    please log in to view this image
     
    #18767
    Wooperts_duck likes this.
  8. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    143,850
    Likes Received:
    262,529
    please log in to view this image
     
    #18768
    antipodean exile likes this.
  9. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    143,850
    Likes Received:
    262,529
    please log in to view this image
     
    #18769
  10. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    143,850
    Likes Received:
    262,529
    French World War Two rifle for sale.
    Never fired.
    Dropped once.
     
    #18770
    antipodean exile likes this.

  11. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    143,850
    Likes Received:
    262,529
    please log in to view this image
     
    #18771
    antipodean exile likes this.
  12. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    143,850
    Likes Received:
    262,529
    Dave and Pete were a couple of drinking buddies who worked as aircraft engineers in Darwin, Australia .
    One day the airport was fogged in and they were stuck in the hangar with nothing to do.
    Dave said, 'Man, I wish we had something to drink!'
    Pete says, 'Me too. Y'know, I've heard you can drink jet fuel and get a buzz.
    You wanna try it?'
    So they pour themselves a couple of glasses of high octane booze and get completely smashed.
    The next morning Dave wakes up and is surprised at how good he feels.
    In fact he feels GREAT! NO hangover! NO bad side effects.
    Nothing!
    Then the phone rings. It's Pete.
    Pete says, 'Hey, how do you feel this morning?'
    Dave says, 'I feel great, how about you?'
    Pete says, 'I feel great, too. You don't have a hangover?'
    Dave says, 'No that jet fuel is great stuff -- no hangover, nothing. We ought to do this more often..'
    ' Yeah, well there's just one thing.'
    'What's that?'
    'Have you farted yet?'
    'No.'
    'Well, DON’T - 'cause I'm in New Zealand '
     
    #18772
    antipodean exile likes this.
  13. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    143,850
    Likes Received:
    262,529
    Judge: “Where do you work?”
    Defendant: “Here and there.”
    Judge: “What do you do for a living?”
    Defendant: “This and that.”
    Judge: “Take him away and lock him up.”
    Defendant: “Wait; when will I get out?”
    Judge: “Sooner or later.”
     
    #18773
    antipodean exile likes this.
  14. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    143,850
    Likes Received:
    262,529
    please log in to view this image
     
    #18774
    antipodean exile likes this.
  15. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    143,850
    Likes Received:
    262,529
    John O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said, "Here's to spending the rest of me Life, between the legs of me wife!"
    That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night!
    He went home and told his wife, Mary, "I won the prize for the Best toast of the night."
    She said, "Aye, did ye now. And what was your toast?"
    John said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life, sitting in church beside me wife."
    "Oh, that is very nice indeed, John!” Mary said.
    The next day, Mary ran into one of John's drinking buddies on the street Corner. The man chuckled leeringly and said, "John won the prize the other night at the pub with a toast about you, Mary."
    She said, "Aye, he told me, and I was a bit surprised myself. You know, he's only been in there twice in the last four years. Once I had to pull him by the ears to make him come, and the other time he fell asleep
     
    #18775
    antipodean exile likes this.
  16. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Mar 22, 2012
    Messages:
    29,276
    Likes Received:
    27,429
    please log in to view this image
     
    #18776
    Wooperts_duck likes this.
  17. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Mar 22, 2012
    Messages:
    29,276
    Likes Received:
    27,429
    please log in to view this image
     
    #18777
    Wooperts_duck likes this.
  18. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Mar 22, 2012
    Messages:
    29,276
    Likes Received:
    27,429
    please log in to view this image
     
    #18778
    Wooperts_duck likes this.
  19. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Mar 22, 2012
    Messages:
    29,276
    Likes Received:
    27,429
    please log in to view this image
     
    #18779
    Wooperts_duck likes this.
  20. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Mar 22, 2012
    Messages:
    29,276
    Likes Received:
    27,429
    please log in to view this image
     
    #18780
    Wooperts_duck likes this.

Share This Page