Jokes

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Dirty Leeds cleaning Rogers man cheese orally since 2020

 

They say that the dog is truly man's best friend.

If you don't believe me, put your dog and your wife in the boot of your car and after an hour open it and see which one is happy to see you!




Dirty Leeds cleaning Rogers man cheese orally since 2020

 

That was brilliant, Roger.

 

Being widely reported here in Oz that the Bank Of England is advising people to spend any 50 quid notes before the end of September because after that date you won't be able to buy anything with them. True?

 

I bet you tried it didn't you, go own up, I won't tell many people north of the river.

 

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Dirty Leeds cleaning Rogers man cheese orally since 2020

 

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Dirty Leeds cleaning Rogers man cheese orally since 2020

 

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Dirty Leeds cleaning Rogers man cheese orally since 2020

 

As someone remarked to me after posting this on another site "You won't get any marks from either of them in this weather ' (England) I said I'd probably get a few marks from the wife but they would fade in time.

 

2 Scousers are riding along the M62 from Manchester to Liverpool on a motorbike. They break down and start hitching a lift. A friendly trucker stops to see if he can help and the scousers ask him for a lift. He tells them he has no room in the wagon as he is carrying 20,000 bowling balls but will take a look at the bike for them. He tries everything he knows but is unable to repair it.
Time is getting on now and he's late for his delivery so he tells the scousers he has to leave.
"R hey lad" they say "gissa lift".
The trucker once again explains that he has no room as he is carrying 20,000 bowling balls. The scousers put it to the driver that if they can manage to fit in the back will he take them and he agrees. They manage to squeeze themselves and their motorbike into the back of the wagon so the driver shuts the doors and gets off on his way. By this time he is really late and so puts his foot down.
Sure enough PC Plod of Greater Manchester Police pulls him up for speeding. The good officer asks the driver what he is carrying to which he replies Scouse Eggs. The policeman obviously doesn't believe this so wants to take a look. He opens the back door and quickly shuts it and locks it.
He gets onto his radio and calls for immediate backup from as many officers as possible. The dispatcher asks what emergency he has that requires so many officers.
"I've got a wagon with 20,000 Scouse eggs in it - 2 have already hatched and the b*****ds have managed to nick a motorbike already".

 

A Muslim athlete has been shot in the head with a starting pistol; police suspect it's race related...

 

An African lady called Betty came into my restaurant and asked "Is there any chicken on the menu?"
I replied "No black Betty, it's ham or lamb."

 

A young guy called Tommy bought a horse from a farmer for £250 and the farmer agreed to deliver the horse to Tommy the following day.
The next day though, the farmer turned up at Tommy's house and said, "Sorry son, but I have some bad news, the horse died."
Tommy replied, "Well, then just give me my money back. That's fine."
The farmer said, "Sorry, I can't do that. I went and spent it already."
Tommy then said, "Okay, then, just bring me the dead horse."
The farmer was surprised and asked Tommy, "Why? What ya gonna do with him?"
Tommy replied, "I’m going to raffle him off."
The farmer laughed and said, "You can't raffle off a dead horse! Who'd buy a ticket?"
Tommy answered, "Sure I can, just watch me. I just won't tell anybody the horse is dead."
A month later, the farmer met up with Tommy again and asked, "What happened with that dead horse in the end. Did you raffle him off?"
Tommy said, "I sure did. I sold 500 tickets at £5 a piece."
The farmer said, "Didn't anyone complain?"
Tommy smiled and said, "Just the guy who won. So I gave him his £5 back."

 

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I've discovered I have a super power. I can make ice cubes disappear just by staring at them. It takes a while, but it does work.

 

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