A local radio station in Ireland had a phone in competition for listeners to come up with words used in everyday language that are not in the English dictionary, with the prize being a holiday for two in Bali with spending money. A few people phone in to no avail. Then James phones in. The DJ asked James what his word was (imagine a thick Irish accent). James said go-an, spelt out G O A N, go-an. The DJ asked James in what context he would use that word in a sentence. James replied Go-an f*#k yourself ! James is immediately cut off amid an explosion of laughter, and the radio station cuts to music for half an hour whilst they all try to compose themselves. When they come back on air a few more people phone in to no avail. Then Seamus phones in (Seamus is Irish for James btw). The DJ asks Seamus what his word is. Seamus said smee, spelling out S M E E, smee. The DJ asks Seamus in what context he would you use that word. Seamus replies “Smee again, go-an f*#k yourself” He didn't win, but he should have.
I was sitting in McDonald's with my coffee this morning and asked the young lady opposite me if she had any spare milk. She snarled back, "Do you f*cking mind, I'm trying to feed my baby!"
This morning I had one of those farts where a little bit of **** comes out... I didn't realise it at first but after 2 minutes, I was the only person left in the Jacuzzi...
An older couple were lying in bed one night. The husband was falling asleep but the wife felt romantic and wanted to talk. She said, "You use to hold my hand when we were courting." Wearily he reached across, held her hand for a second and tried to get back to sleep. A few moments later she said, "Then you used to kiss me." Mildly irritated, he reached across, gave her a peck on the cheek and settled down to sleep. Thirty seconds later she said, "Then you use to bite my neck." Angrily, he threw back the bed clothes and got out of bed. "Where are you going ?" she asked. "To get my teeth!"
Watched A porn film last night: A woman was giving a hand job to a Joiner, Plumber,Electrician & a Plasterer! It was called: ' Jack Off all Trades'