Off Topic Mental Health Discussion Thread

Funerals are huge milestones which are bound to be incredibly difficult. Huge sadness, but then calmness as you say, and sometimes even jokes. Then you feel guilty about being calm or joking.
I know it’s easy for someone to say, but don’t beat yourself up about things you should have said. It sounds like you said more than many people said towards the end.
My Dad went very suddenly, and at the time I certainly went through those feelings, but even though we didn’t know it was coming, looking back I know he knew I loved him, even though that was mostly unsaid.
I tell my Mum I love her every time I speak to her, but she hardly ever says it back. Doesn’t matter because she’s a different generation. Things we say now they never said then, and probably our kids will be different again. But I know she loves me and is proud of me and I’m sure your Mum felt the same about you.

What you’re feeling now is normal, don’t kick yourself, but if getting professional help feels right then do that anyway. Just do what feels right for you, right now.

Take care

Thinking of you

 

It's normal to pick over every minute detail of your relationship at times like these,it's part of the grieving process.Don't be afraid to shed tears,you've lost someone dear to you and it's hurting like hell but don't be blaming yourself ...You did nothing wrong.

God bless

Ric

 

I’m not sure mum and I ever said those words to each other until towards the end. Neither of us had any doubt, and just felt it didn’t need saying, as she showed me every day through her actions. We weren’t great cuddlers either. Mrs A broke the trend when she first met my mum, and so forced our hand really! Which was really awkward for mum initially, but she she soon got use to it! I have always since made a point of showing and telling Mrs A and my kids my affection more than regularly
When she passed, I did reflect a lot on why she was so hesitant to show her my feelings, but have become comfortable that it was just a very different generation. I’m obviously talking about the British ‘ stiff upper lip culture’, is that similar in Scandinavia?
I do think funerals can be quite brutal, in that what has (rightly) so far been your own personal grief, is suddenly exposed to everyone, and you’re in a huge goldfish bowl.
That is suppose to be the time for closure etc. Maybe for everyone else, but you’re not ready. So you then feel very lonely as everyone else has moved on.

It is an awful time, but does become easier.
606 nation are with you. Keep talking and reflecting. It is a healthy way to deal with it.

 

It probably is.
I think that, even if we both knew how we felt towards each other, saying those words make it more real.
As we've never really said it, now saying it almost indicates that something is going downhill, which even when obvious, is difficult to confirm.

But yeah, as mentoned the funeral it self was a rollercoaster.
Afterwards everyone had dinner, etc. I felt like I finally got a breather, people were a bit more cheerful.
Some started talking old memories, which triggered it all again.

Some memories were nice to hear, whiles some just made me depressed. As you say, it clashes a bit when people have different connections to her.
I had to get up and leave mid speech, started hyper ventilating.

I've had company all weekend, so we'll see how things go when I get back to reality a bit again tomorrow.
I'll give an update further ahead if I have something on my mind

Appreciate all kind words and messages!

 

I made some posts last year after losing my dad and with regards to wanting to drop out of university.

A year on, I'm about to enter the last year of my computer science degree, I have a job whilst I'm studying and I'm receiving offers for graduate jobs.

I really want to say thank you. The tiger nation really stepped up when I was feeling at my lowest. You're all fantastic people. I love this club.

UTT

 

Really well done and good luck in the future.

 

Well done, I'm sure it's what your dad would have wanted for you.

 

What a fantastic post to read
Well done and good luck for everything in the future

 

Very well done. Doesn’t that just show the positive effect of this thread.

 

This is so true. Who would have thought such a subject would bring such positivity?

It's reminded me of how heartbroken I was when my parents died and brought a lot of reflection on that, but I must agree wholly with people who say "it gets easier" because it really does.

Give it time x

 

My mum passed away today after a 6 month battle with pancreatic cancer. I'm currently experiencing a mixture of sadness at her loss along with relief that she is no longer suffering. My brother and I and our partners were with her when she passed and she went peacefully. I ask any of the Tiger nation reading this to raise a glass to Joan, a wonderful and very loved mum xx

 

Sorry to hear about your loss, mate.

Commiserations and look after yourself over the next few weeks and months.

 

I open the bottle sir. RIP, your Mam x

 

So sorry for your loss fella. Cheers to you and all your family. RIP to your lovely mum.

You take care mate. Stay close to your family.

 

Sorry for your loss @Paul Jewitt

Take care

 

Sorry for your loss.
RIP Joan

 

Sorry to read this sir. You take care of yourself. I'll raise a glass to Joan before the game. Hope she rests peacefully.

 

Sorry for your loss, glass raised.

 

Sorry for your loss, glass raised.

 

First time I looked above the normal threads.
Just expecting rules upon rules.
My 2nd degree is in psychology and have worked privately with those with addiction issues for years.
Nice thread and credit to Toast for creating it and giving people a safe space.
I am still a **** but this is really positive.