Off Topic Most embarrassing moment

thats a classic piece of HDM journalism where you’re actually no clearer on what happened that if you asked a random on the street. Completely confusing timeline. But I would say, given norovirus is on the rampage around the area, you can’t always blame booze. Unless it smells of Southern Comfort, which is a key constituent of one of my most embarrassing moments.

I mean to say, deliberate vandalism by puke is a new one on me...

 

I know Ted Evetts moment .. .. and before any sensitive souls comment , nobody wants to be the first

 

Reckon this was his most embarrassing moment...

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-london-50839639

 

"Everything came to a crescendo on the day in question."

 

The mind boggles.

Poor bloke seems to have problems though.

 

Was he driving the van as his job?

 

Dunno. Would you drive a van for pleasure?

 

I've no issues with driving a van, but then, I haven't had and lost the money he's had, which must make it hard to take.

Not much fun for the lass and her mam though.

The solicitors comments have to have been tongue in cheek though.

 

I’ve done similar sat on the bus when I was younger. Thought I’d slyly do it. Then I realised I had earphones in. Looked up to see everybody looking at me as it wasn’t as quiet as I thought it was.

 

Few years ago, took the kids from work on their residential visit over the weekend. I decided to get some new trainers (why would you?) for it. We get there on the Friday afternoon. First activity raft building. Kids all off with the instructors and we are sat nearby just observing. Rafts are built and instructors are ready to test them out but they wanted one of us to test them with them. I volunteered first. Turns out the other staff and the kids had plotted to put me on the raft. We get out into the middle of the water and they decide to push me in. The water was more of a pond and it stunk! Fine. Part of the activity/experience, I guess. We go back to our rooms to wash and I realise the trainers I was wearing - the new ones now soaked - were the only ones I had packed (other than some slippers). Tried drying them out over night but the heating in my room didn’t work.

I get up in the morning and go to breakfast in my slippers across the activity centre as the trainers were not dry. By this point, they stunk. Stagnant pond water smell. Didn’t worry as we were outdoors all weekend and it would be fine if they smell like that in the fields etc. Nope! One of the kids traps his hand in their bedroom door and cracks all their finger nails and their fingers go black. Guess what? Off to A&E we go. Of all of the ways you could be injured on the assault courses or archery or rock climbing. No, not using the toilet door properly. So, the child with the injury and me with the pond trainers where no amount of deodorant or aftershave could mask the smell head off. And why do kids have to be so brutal and say things as they are? We’re sat in hospital waiting to be seen; it’s really warm and my trainers absolutely stink with the smell spreading. Said child decides to announce to everybody in the waiting room where the smell was coming from. Just wanted the ground to swallow me up!

 

You’re getting confused
Johnnies were supposed to avoid the need for Tansads!

 

“Underground overground wombling free, the ****er of Wimbledon Neil Shipperley”

Neil Shipperley- 119 career goals- 50 with his right foot, 40 with his left foot, 28 with his head and one off the wrist

 

It's my first date with Mz Kempton, a house party and she was the only person I knew there so I was understandaby a little bit nervous and I wanted to make a good impression.

There was a small buffet on a low coffee table. I got up off the couch to grab a sausage roll, but went sprawling over said coffee table. The buffet was a mess and so was I.

The others kindly made light of it and the doo went on till maybe 3am, but I was dying to fart all night. Of course I held it in, not wanting to further ruin my reputation.

So the time came to walk Mz Kempton home. It was a very quiet night as we walked holding hands down a narrow street.

I couldn't possibly hold it any longer and I let off so loudly it must have woke the street up, it was like thunder.

But back to the buffet diving. I assumed I'd maybe had a few too many stubbies than I thought.

But no, it turns out that the guy sat next to us fancied my date a lot, but had always failed to win her over (Mz Kemps was a stunner) and this **** had tripped me up.

If I'd have known at the time, that would have gone really bad for him

Anyway, 25 years later we're still very much together.

There you you go folks. You don't get love stories like that in Mills and Boon

 

Like the way you say she was a stunner

Hope she reads this
Cos that won’t go down well

 

Oh I really shouldn't have said 'was' should I

 

****ing hell, I didn't read what you were replying to and thought you were talking about public masturbation!

Anyway, you've reminded me of a smelly hospital story. A colleague and I were trimming cow feet using an angle grinder with a specialised blade. We got this particularly arsey cow into the crush, raised the offending hoof and securely tied it to a block. Only, we'd been doing this all day, perhaps getting a little complacent, and it wasn't as secure as we'd thought. As soon as this lad fired up the grinder and touched the cow it kicked out, knocking him on his arse into an impressive pile of ****e. The grinder hit the roof and came down between this lad's legs and sliced through his inner thigh, three inches below his left bollock and less than an inch from his femoral artery. As the nearest A+E was 25 miles away and he somehow wasn't bleeding we decided it would be quicker if I drove him to hospital. He was covered in ****, I wasn't exactly free of **** and we were both covered in a fine dust comprised of hoof powder which actually smells a lot like human feet, only the worst human feet you've ever smelled covered in ****. We were only in the waiting room for two minutes when they came to take him for one hell of a clean up and stitches.

"I'll wait here for you, mate" I said.
"Erm, we'd appreciate it if you could go with him" said the nurse, glancing at the patients who were visibly shaken by the assault on their nasal cavities.

We got put in our own private room and had to wait an hour for a doctor so we both enjoyed the gas and passed the time laughing at the visible fat cells inside his leg. He had to stay in overnight as I'm sure his blood was 20% excrement by this point.

We got chain-mail gloves and aprons after that, so it wasn't all bad news, although we couldn't really use the gloves as we discovered it was nigh on impossible to hold on to an active angle grinder with shiny metal hands.

 

Any story that starts 'A colleague and I were trimming cow feet using an angle grinder with a specialised blade' is gonna be a gud 'un.

Thanks for sharing Des.

 

I also didn’t actually read the post you had replied to and assumed you was replying to the previous post about Mr S showing himself to a mother and daughter..... So when you said you had done similar on a bus....... especially doing it slyly....

 

When you say still together after 25 years.... are you referring to the “once stunning” Mz Kemp’s or are you still sat on the sofa with the guy who would probably appreciate Mz K a little more then her current marketing director....

 

I honestly don't get this