I can only think it was gluten free, wholemeal, vegan friendly bread ...... tastes like cardboard ...
I walked down a street & the houses were numbered 64K, 128K, 256K, 512K & 1MB. It was like a trip down memory lane.
Two guys were out walking their dogs on a hot day when they pass by a pub. The first guy says, “Let’s go in there for a pint.” The second guy says, “They won’t let us in with our dogs.” First guy: “Sure they will, just follow my lead.” He goes up to the pub, and sure enough, the bouncer says, “I can’t let you in here with that dog.” He replies, “Oh, I’m blind and this is my seeing-eye dog.” The bouncer says, “Ok then, come on in.” The second guy sees this and does the same thing. The bouncer says, “You can’t come in here with a dog.” He replies, “I’m blind and this is my seeing-eye dog.” The bouncer responds, “You have a Chihuahua for a seeing-eye dog?” The second guy exclaims, “They gave me a Chihuahua?”
One day in a school room the teacher asked the class to use the word “fascinate” in a sentence. Molly put up her hand and said, “My family went to my granddad’s farm, and we all saw his pet sheep. It was fascinating.” The teacher said, “That was good, but I wanted you to use the word ‘fascinate,’ not ‘fascinating’.” Sally raised her hand. She said, “My family went to see The Grand Canyon and I was fascinated.” The teacher said, “Well, that was good Sally, but I wanted you to use the word ‘fascinate’.” Little Johnny raised his hand, but the teacher, being a little hesitant on account of she had been burned by Little Johnny before, finally decided there was no way he could damage the word “fascinate,” so she called on him. Johnny said, “My aunt Carolyn has a sweater with ten buttons, but her boobs are so big she can only fasten eight!”
Yesterday I signed a £200k a week contract to join Manchester City next season as their new striker. Just need them to sign it now.
An American on vacation in Ireland walks into a pub and says, “I hear you Irish can drink, I’ll give a thousand bucks to the guy who can drink 10 pints of Guinness in under 5 minutes” Everyone is quiet but one of the Irishmen gets up and leaves. In a few minutes the Irishman walks back in and says, “Line me up 10 pints of Guinness” and he drinks them in 4 minutes flat. As the guy is paying him the $1000 he asks the Irishman, “If ya dont mind me asking, when you left earlier, where did you go” The Irishman says, “I had to go to the pub next door because I wanted to make sure I could do it”