Off Topic The Goodhand Arms

Happy birthday, youngster! Ha! That’s not even halfway to me
Have a great day!

 

Exactly! I prefer ‘experienced’ to ‘old’

 

Hey Happy Birthday Tom! Have a great day and don’t worry about getting old, you have a very long way to go yet!

 

Happy birthday, I hope you got a new whistle.

30 sucks, but 31 is worse. I’m not looking forward to 32

 

Happy Birthday !


See it not as 30, but the 9th anniversary of your 21st!

 

Can't help at all....I live too far away from Soton and even if I was around when you get back you'd find me too old and boring but that said mate I wish you all the best for the future and trust that time is a great healer so it'll eventually work out for you. All the best, Milton.

 

Happy birthday Tom

Would send you a card but you probably have enough yellow and red ones

 

My wife and I have just applied for jobs in the Citroën factory.

We had to send in 2CVs.

 

Have you stolen Bob Monkhouse's legendary joke book?

 

Oops, just had a VAR check and your 31

Frustrating isn't it.

 

Just checking for handball in the buildup...

 

A woman brings a very limp duck into a veterinary surgeon.

As she lays her beloved pet duck on the table, the vet puts his stethoscope to the bird’s chest and listens carefully.

A moment later the vet shakes his head and says sadly, “I’m really sorry mam, but your duck, Cuddles, has passed away.“

The woman becomes quite distressed and begins to cry.

“Are you sure?” she says with tears flooding from her eyes.

“Yes mam, I am sure” the vet responds. “Your duck is definitely dead.“

“But how can you be so sure?” the woman protests. “I mean, you haven’t done any testing on him or anything have you? Perhaps he’s just stunned or in a coma or something.”

The vet rolls his eyes, then turns around and leaves the room.

A few minutes later he returns with a black Labrador retriever.

As the duck’s owner looks on in amazement, the Labrador stands on his hind legs, puts his front paws on the examination table and sniffs around the duck from top to bottom. He then looks up at the vet with sad eyes and shakes his head.

The vet pats the dog on the head and takes it out of the room.

A few minutes later the vet returns with a cat.

The cat jumps on the table and delicately sniffs at the bird from its head to its feet. After a moment the cat looks up, shakes its head, meows softly and strolls out of the room.

The vet looks at the woman and says, “Look mam I’m really sorry, but as I said before, this is most definitely a duck that is no longer of this world. Your duck is dead”.

The vet then turns to his computer terminal, hits a few keys and produces a bill, which he hands to the woman.

The duck’s owner, still in shock, looks at the bill and sees it is £150.
“£150 just to tell me my duck is dead!” she shrieks with incredulity

The vet shrugs his shoulders and says, “I’m sorry mam. If you’d taken my word for it, the bill would have been £20. However with the Lab Report and the Cat Scan, it’s now £150.“

 

@thereisonlyoneno7 will appreciate this one:

 

Intercity 125: Workers say farewell to British Rail icon - BBC News

I loved the Inter-City 125. Like the mini in the 60s, the 125 was an icon of the 70s, that has gone on to give us over 40 years of wonderful serivce. Some of us were still young when it was introduced but like us, it has matured and now now faces retirement. . Interesting to read the account that it was introduced at a time when British Rail was being starved of money!!!

 

I lived in Box in Wiltshire in the late 70s, and the 125’s were first introduced on the Paddington to Bristol line which passed through there. An unforgettable sight, seeing one emerge from Box Tunnel at nearly full speed!

 

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Try 56 !

 

That’s not old . Happy birthday anyway

 

Anyone fancy forming a band called Gerry and the 'atricks?