Match Day Thread Saints v Newcastle Utd, Friday 6th, 8pm. Sky Sports (NOT PPV)

F***, f***, f***

Another f***ing match f***ing thread to f***ing write. F*** it.

That's it. Even if we don't lose this I'm f***ed if I'm writing another. F*** you all. And f*** the horses you rode in on. Then f*** off over there but come back so you can f*** off again. F***ers.

(I become quite eloquent under pressure, I'm told).

 

The best yet.

 

"One Onionman, there's only one Onionman, one Onionmaaaaan, there's only one Onionman"

 

It's now been proven that Vin is more powerful than your dishwasher game. Your services are no longer required.

 

As with all true experiments, you should only change one variable at a time, otherwise the perceived change cannot be accurately ascribed to any particular variable.

Clearly, Onionman is a very important factor in Saints' continuing success, and acts as a very powerful catalyst, when other factors are in position. However, one should not overlook the importance of TIOON7's dishwasher game, or indeed Vesty's new haircut. I suggest that the dishwasher game is carried out twice, before the Newcastle game, to see if a greater dishwasher effect can be achieved. Obviously, if this has the opposite effect, we may have a case of two wrongs making a right, in which case TIOON7 should either revert to one attempt to beat the kettle, or, as an added challenge, try outpacing the kettle three times (or indeed, any odd number of operations).

Only then will it become obvious which of these factors is truly important, and which one can be shelved.

(Time on my hands? Moi?)

 

Fear not! Get us through this one and your reward will be more than 2 weeks off!

 

Wot a f***ing triumph!

 

Got to be careful about accepting the dishwasher game results unless we are also taking into account the usually diminishing efficiency of TIOON7's kettle over time...unless of course it is descaled before each attempt so that we can then assume fairly standard performance.

The ratio of ****s to other words in Onionman's threads could also be a variable that is somehow important although that's more difficult to quantify

 

Well as you al know I didn't do the dishwasher game yesterday as I forgot to put it on over night. As a test though I did the game today and said three times out loud before I started "This is for the Villa game" and then flicked my hand at the dishwasher.

The result?

I started off easily, the kettle still had about 20 seconds left to boil and all I had left was 2 forks and the spatula to put away. I put the spatula in the wrong drawer and when I went to open it to put it in the correct one, the drawer was stuck! took 15 seconds to unjam and just put the last fork in as the kettle boiled.

I think that mirrored the game...I was 4-0 up then just won 4-3.

 

Am I right in thinking this is the first Friday night game at St Mary's since the game that shall not be named?

 

if so (I'm not doubting it), the number of Saints fans left at the end of both games will be remarkably similar.

 

I think it would be quite fitting to win, on a Friday night, in front of the Sky cameras, to go top of the league.

 

First at St Marys yes

Norwich away (first game after lockdown) was a Friday too

 

You can guarantee that the Leicester game will be mentioned, on the pretext that this is the first Friday night game since then. Or, indeed, for any other reason at all.

 

We also had home Friday night matches vs Liverpool and Bmouth, as I recall, and lost them both too.

Not our speciality.

 

Maybe Vin was able to persuade the TV companies that Saints on a Friday night is just what is needed (just what Vin needs)

 

Still can't get over that we'll be top with a win, even if only for one night.

Therefore we won't. Can see us getting Bruce'd.

 

I ****ing love football.

 

Not Friday night though.

 

Liverpool? Both were 3pm Saturday games last season weren't they?