Some Fun For a Friday Afternoon

“When you open your eyes you will believe you are Thierry Henry...

3...2...1...

...and you’re back in the room!”

 

“When you open your eyes you will believe you are Lionel Messi...

3...2...1...

...and you’re back in the room!”

 

He already does

 

A lady decided to give herself a big treat for her 90th birthday by staying overnight in a really nice luxurious hotel..
When she checked out the next morning, the desk clerk handed her a bill for £250.00. She demanded to know why the charge was so high "I agree it's a nice hotel, but the rooms aren't worth £250..00 for just an overnight stay - I didn't even have breakfast!"
The clerk told her that £250.00 is the 'standard rate,' and breakfast had been included had she wanted it.
She insisted on speaking to the Manager.
The Manager appeared and, forewarned by the desk clerk, announced: "This hotel has an Olympic-sized pool and a huge conference center which are available for use." "But I didn't use them." ''Well, they are here, and you could have."
He went on to explain that she could also have seen one of the in-hotel shows for which they were so famous.
"We have the best entertainers from all over the world performing here."
"But I didn't go to any of those shows.." She Pleaded.
"Well, we have them, and you could have." was the reply.
No matter what amenity the Manager mentioned, she replied,
"But I didn't use it!" and the Manager countered with his
standard response.
After several minutes discussion, and with the Manager still unmoved, she decided to pay, wrote a cheque and gave it to him.
The Manager was surprised when he looked at the cheque.
"But Madam, this check is for only £50.00" "That's correct" she replied "I charged you £200.00 for sleeping with me."
"But I didn't sleep with you madam!" said the manager
"Well, too bad, I was here, and you could have."!!

 

Why was the snowman looking through the carrots?
He was picking his nose!

Why are Christmas trees so fond of the past?
The present's beneath them.

Why does Father Christmas go down the Chimney?
It Soots him.

Courtesy of DT - there are more?...

 

I had that awful feeling whilst sitting on the toilet and discovered that there was no toilet roll. I did that trousers halfway up the legs waddle in order to get some more...


... I am now nearly at Tesco!

 

I think I need to replace the album picture on my iTunes...

 

Wasn't there an Aldi nearer

 

There are times when you’d go to Waitrose if it’s nearer.

 

The Daily Mirror is always a good alternative, in an emergency

 

Don't forget The Guardian, I knew there was a reason for it!!

 

Must admit that the Telegraph was the best newspaper for lighting the fire with. Centre Presse is not nearly so good.

 

Always better to go to work with the reflected racing results across you arse than...

And so much more satisfying.

 

The original line went...
BBC interviewer accosting a tramp in the street " And what exactly is it that you like about 'The Times' newspaper then ?". Answered the tramp... " The texture mate, the texture."

 

He's not that far left surely?
I would have thought he was more in the centre ( of the goal) ........

Yorkie...... ducks and exits....