CALLER: Is this Gordon's Pizza? GOOGLE:No sir, it's Google Pizza. CALLER:I must have dialled a wrong number. Sorry. GOOGLE:No sir, Google bought Gordon’s Pizza last month. CALLER:OK. I would like to order a pizza. GOOGLE:Do you want your usual, sir? CALLER:My usual? You know me? GOOGLE:According to our caller ID data sheet, the last 12 times you called you ordered an extra-large pizza with three cheeses, sausage, pepperoni, mushrooms and meatballs on a thick crust. CALLER:OK! That’s what I want ... GOOGLE:May I suggest that this time you order a pizza with ricotta, arugula, sun-dried tomatoes and olives on a whole wheat gluten-free thin crust? CALLER:What? I detest vegetable! GOOGLE:Your cholesterol is not good, sir. CALLER:How the hell do you know! GOOGLE:Well, we cross-referenced your home phone number with your medical records. We have the result of your blood tests for the last 7 years. CALLER:Okay, but I do not want your rotten vegetable pizza! I already take medication for my cholesterol. GOOGLE:Excuse me sir, but you have not taken your medication regularly. According to our database, you purchased only a box of 30 cholesterol tablets once, at Drug RX Network, 4 months ago. CALLER:I bought more from another drugstore. GOOGLE:That doesn’t show on your credit card statement. CALLER:I paid in cash. GOOGLE:But you did not withdraw enough cash according to your bank statement. CALLER:I have other sources of cash. GOOGLE:That doesn’t show on your last tax return unless you bought them using an undeclared income source, which is against the law. CALLER:WHAT THE HELL! GOOGLE:I'm sorry, sir, we use such information only with the sole intention of helping you. CALLER:Enough already! I'm sick to death of Google, Facebook, Twitter, WhatsApp and all the others. I'm going to an island without internet, cable TV, where there is no cell phone service and no one to watch me or spy on me. GOOGLE:I understand sir, but you need to renew your passport first. It expired 6 weeks ago...
It's Budget Day - and also the day that Chancellor Rishi Sunak was outed as a warlock. Watch carefully...
Nany thanks Frenchie! Take that diving suit off the list... It fits perfectly and is great with the breathing apparatus for my bus and plane journeys!
WHAT RELIGION IS YOUR BRA? A man walked into the ladies department and shyly walked up to the woman behind the counter and said 'I'd like to buy a bra for my wife.' ' What type of bra?' asked the saleslady. 'Type?' inquires the man, 'There's more than one type?' ' Look around,' said the saleslady, as she showed a sea of bras in every shape, size, color and material imaginable. 'Actually, even with all of this variety, there are really only four types of bras to choose from.' Relieved, the man asked about the types. The saleslady replied: 'There are the Catholic, Salvation Army, Presbyterian, and the Baptist types. Which one would you prefer?' Now totally befuddled, the man asked about the differences between them. The Saleslady responded, 'It is all really quite simple.' The Catholic type supports the masses; The Salvation Army type lifts the fallen; The Presbyterian type keeps them staunch and upright; The Baptist type makes mountains out of molehills.
Maybe I am not up to speed regarding canine changing tastes but I saw this in the Cafe at the Welsh National Botanic Garden last week.