Some Fun For a Friday Afternoon

Don't stop posting again, please, Theo. I do understand, though. There are topic in other places that have made me stop posting.
This is the humour thread, anyway.

Yoro, Honduras, regularly has a rain of fish in May and June each year. It exhibits a poisson distribution.

So does the likelihood of the leader of the SNP having a name related to fish.

 

Quite right NZ. It is far too easy for threads to wander off topic.

 

And there are stats which show high correlation between the length of railway track and the incidence of venereal disease in South American countries as well as a famous set which showed that the bigger the feet of children in the UK the more intelligent they were!

I've travelled the world and stayed for a long time in many foreign countries. I'm no fan of our current government but I find the relentless highlighting of the Uk's shortcomings on several threads tiresome, especially when it's implied countries close to us do everything so much better. Any evidence I've suggested to the contrary in the past has usually been summarily dismissed and as I've no wish to upset longstanding hornet members it's probably better if I keep quiet!

 

You have never upset me Theo. If I have upset you then I apologise.

 

Did know that UK was that bad. (Re graph)

Sorry, to open a little can of worms.

Stay Thoe we've missed ya!

 

Found this on Facebook - I nearly wet myself reading it ...

A friend went to Beijing recently and was given this brochure by the hotel. It is precious.
She is keeping it and reading it whenever she feels depressed.
Obviously, it has been translated directly, word for word from Mandarin to English.
Getting There:
Our representative will make you wait at the airport. The bus to the hotel runs along the lake shore. Soon you will feel pleasure in passing water. You will know that you are getting near the hotel, because you will go round the bend. The manager will await you in the entrance hall. He always tries to have intercourse with all new guests.
The Hotel:
This is a family hotel, so children are very welcome. We of course are always pleased to accept adultery. Highly skilled nurses are available in the evenings to put down your children. Guests are invited to conjugate in the bar and expose themselves to others. But please note that ladies are not allowed to have babies in the bar. We organize social games, so no guest is ever left alone to play with them self.
The Restaurant:
Our menus have been carefully chosen to be ordinary and unexciting. At dinner, our quartet will circulate from table to table, and fiddle with you.
Your Room:
Every room has excellent facilities for your private parts. In winter, every room is on heat. Each room has a balcony offering views of outstanding obscenity! .. You will not be disturbed by traffic noise, since the road between the hotel and the lake is used only by pederasts.
Bed:
Your bed has been made in accordance with local tradition. If you have any other ideas please ring for the chambermaid. Please take advantage of her. She will be very pleased to squash your shirts, blouses and underwear. If asked, she will also squeeze your trousers.
Above All:
When you leave us at the end of your holiday, you will have no hope. You will struggle to forget it.

 

You're a nice fellow, Frenchie, and you haven't set out to annoy me. I'm no nationalist but I am fond of many things English. I have a daughter who's a permanent resident in France and have visited pretty much every corner of the country including the banlieus. I'd say much the same to Cologne and anyone else who lives outside England. Other European countries do some things better than us; others worse. I reread the ONS stats and I stand by what I said. They do not say the total number was Covid-mentioned deaths. I wouldn't attempt to change anyone else's opinions, just wish they'd acknowledge the evidence I presented.

 

This is reminiscent of Gerard Hoffnung...a French widow in every room etc.

 

All brothels display a blue lamp...

 

That's an unwarranted slur on British police stations.

 

The new Grant Shapps HGV driving test doesn't seem to be going as well as he hoped...

 

We also offer you a commodious chamber...and generous garage accommodation for your char

 

I was actually born when I was two...

 

It’s a Hoffnung joke; advice given to foreigners.

 

Ever hopeful?

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An alternative form of ambulance chasing?

 

In case you're wondering, Wolf - everyone else is in Glasgow...

 

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"Don't speak until I close my fingers"