Some Fun For a Friday Afternoon

Discussion in 'Watford' started by wear_yellow, Apr 8, 2011.

  1. Bolton's Boots

    Bolton's Boots Well-Known Member

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    A hooded robber burst into a Texas bank and forced the tellers to load a sack full of cash. On his way out the door, a brave Texas customer grabbed the hood and pulled it off revealing the robber's face.

    The robber shot the customer without a moment's hesitation.

    He then looked around the bank and noticed one of the tellers looking straight at him.

    The robber instantly shot him too.

    Everyone else, by now very scared, looked intently down at the floor in silence. The robber yelled, 'Well, did anyone else see my face?'

    There followed a few moments of utter silence in which everyone was afraid to speak.

    Then, one old cowboy tentatively raised his hand, and while keeping his head down said,

    'My wife got a pretty good look at you.'
     
    #21
  2. Sir_Luther_Blissett

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  3. LondonKev

    LondonKev Well-Known Member

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    That is brilliant BB, I may just have to steal that one!!
     
    #23
  4. Hornette_TID

    Hornette_TID Well-Known Member
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  5. Bolton's Boots

    Bolton's Boots Well-Known Member

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    Got plenty more!

    After experiencing the discomfort and embarrassment of a prostate test on the UK National Health Service, a friend of mine decided to have his next test carried out while visiting Thailand where the beautiful nurses are rather more gentle and accommodating.

    As usual he was asked to strip off, he lay naked on his side on the bed and the nurse began the examination. "At this stage of the procedure it's quite normal to get an erection" said the nurse.

    "I haven't got an erection" he said.

    "No, but I have" replied the nurse.
     
    #25
  6. Bolton's Boots

    Bolton's Boots Well-Known Member

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    An 80-year-old Scotsman goes to the doctor for a check-up. The doctor is amazed at what good shape the guy is in and asks 'How do you stay in such great physical condition?

    I'm Scottish and I am a golfer,' says the old guy, 'and that's why I'm in such good shape. I'm up well before daylight and out golfing up and down the fairways. I have a wee glass of whisky and all is well.'

    'Well,' says the doctor, 'I'm sure that helps, but there's got to be more to it. How old was your Dad when he died?''

    ‘Who said my Dad's deid?'

    The doctor is amazed. 'You mean you're 80 years old and your Dad's still alive. How old is he?'

    'He's 100 years old,' says the old Scottish golfer. 'In fact he golfed wi' me this morning, and then we went to the beach for a walk and had anither wee dram and that's why he's still alive. He's Scottish and he's a golfer, too.'

    'Well,' the doctor says, 'that's great, but I'm sure there's more to it than that. How about your Dad's dad? How old was he when he died?'

    'Who said my granddad's deid?'

    Stunned, the doctor asks, 'You mean you're 80 years old and your grandfather's still living! Incredible, how old is he?'

    'He's 118 years old,' says the old Scottish golfer.

    The doctor is getting frustrated at this point, 'So, I guess he went golfing with you this morning too?'

    'No. Granddad couldnae go this mornin' because he's getting married today.'

    At this point the doctor is close to losing it. 'Getting married?? Why would a 118 year old guy want to get married?'

    'Who said he wanted to?'
     
    #26
    andytoprankin likes this.
  7. Leo

    Leo Well-Known Member

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    Ohhh Bolton - that has put me right of me Hot Dog
     
    #27
  8. Norwayhornet

    Norwayhornet Well-Known Member

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    Excellent BB keep em coming:)
     
    #28
  9. Hornette_TID

    Hornette_TID Well-Known Member
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    lol...i'm not sure i should be liking these, but i am! lol
     
    #29
  10. Bolton's Boots

    Bolton's Boots Well-Known Member

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    Last one for today:

    The following are all replies that Manchester women have written on Child Support Agency Forms in the section for listing "father's details;" or putting it another way.... Who's your Daddy?

    1. Regarding the identity of the father of my twins, Makeeshia was fathered by Maclearndon McKinley. I am unsure as to the identity of the father of Marlinda, but I believe that she was conceived on the same night.



    2. I am unsure, as to the identity of the father of my child as I was being sick out of a window when taken unexpectedly from behind. I can provide you with a list of names of men that I think were at the party if this helps.



    3. I do not know the name of the father of my little girl. She was conceived at a party at 360 East Bolton Avenue where I had sex with a man I met that night. I do remember that the sex was so good that I fainted. If you do manage to track down the father, can you please send me his phone number? Thanks.



    4. I don't know the identity of the father of my daughter. He drives a BMW that now has a hole made by my stiletto in one of the door panels. Perhaps you can contact BMW service stations in this area and see if he's had it replaced.



    5. I have never had sex with a man. I am still a Virginian. I am awaiting a letter from the Pope confirming that my son's conception was ejaculat and that he is the Saver risen again.



    6. I cannot tell you the name of Alleshia’s dad as he informs me that to do so would blow his cover and that would have cataclysmic implications for the economy. I am torn between doing right by you and right by the country . Please advise...



    7.Tyrone Hairston is the father of child A If you do catch up with him, can you ask him what he did with my AC/DC CDs? Child B who was also borned at the same time.... well, I don't have clue.



    8. From the dates it seems that my daughter was conceived at Euro-Disney World; maybe it really is the Magic Kingdom .



    9. So much about that night is a blur The only thing that I remember for sure is Gordon Ramsey did a programme about eggs earlier in the evening. If I had stayed in and watched more TV rather than going to the party at 56 Miller St, mine might have remained unfertilized.



    10. I am unsure as to the identity of the father of my baby, after all, like when you eat a can of beans, you can't be sure which one made you fart.
     
    #30

  11. Norwayhornet

    Norwayhornet Well-Known Member

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    If those are true God help this nation!!
     
    #31
  12. hornethologist a.k.a. theo

    hornethologist a.k.a. theo Well-Known Member

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    Does this work for pints of guinness?
     
    #32
  13. Bolton's Boots

    Bolton's Boots Well-Known Member

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    Probably entering into PC country here! Are you talking about the fart or the baby?
     
    #33
  14. hornethologist a.k.a. theo

    hornethologist a.k.a. theo Well-Known Member

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    I was thinking flatulence, but now you come to mention it...
     
    #34
  15. Norwayhornet

    Norwayhornet Well-Known Member

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    In Norway fart means speed! thus if you drive too fast you get a farting ticket <laugh>
     
    #35
  16. Leo

    Leo Well-Known Member

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    lol
     
    #36
  17. Sir_Luther_Blissett

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    I would like to take this opportunity to say that when I was a teenage boy learning German 'O' level, we never once acted immaturely regarding the translation of the English word 'father'. Nevermind how well the moniker suited Shrodells ;-).
     
    #37
  18. hornethologist a.k.a. theo

    hornethologist a.k.a. theo Well-Known Member

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    Are your fart skaters preparing for the Winter Olympics yet?
     
    #38
  19. Sir_Luther_Blissett

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    Do Norwegian drug addicts who can't afford cocaine, buy a gram of fart?
     
    #39
  20. Bolton's Boots

    Bolton's Boots Well-Known Member

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    I remember an Aussie (Steve Bradbury) winning a gold medal in fart skating in Salt Lake City. He was coming last when everyone else fell over and he just farted past them to win. Slow and silent, but deadly.<laugh>
     
    #40

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