Match Day Thread Southampton vs Burnley, Saturday 15/02, 12:30

Discussion in 'Southampton' started by Le Tissier's Laces, Feb 11, 2020.

  1. Le Tissier's Laces

    Le Tissier's Laces Well-Known Member

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    Greetings all. I don't know when this is meant to go up, but up it is. Please pay careful attention to the facts presented in this document.

    Burnley. Some facts:

    Burnley was discovered in 1784 by Tim Berners-Lee, David Byrne and Christopher Lee. Weary after trekking north, the three intrepid adventurers were struck by the small town, with it's wattle and daub huts, satanic mills and speaking cattle. Charmed, they decided to name the town after themselves, and David Byrne later wrote the song "Road to Nowhere" about their journey to Burnley.

    Rather like Dorking, nobody in Britain is quite sure how to get to Burnley. In a recent Gallup poll, 98% of respondents said "well I'd get on the M1 and head north, hoping for the best". The other 2% said "Brexit means Brexit" and were later shot.

    Key Players and Staff:

    Renowned ventriloquist and latter-day Saint, Jay Rodriguez, currently plies his trade for Burnley, having found the town 3 months after driving to Manchester. Due to a childhood illness, Rodriguez was left unable to smile or, in fact, move his mouth at all, and found fame before becoming a footballer, performing with Orville the duck.

    Keith-Harris-and-Orville.jpg
    Rodriguez and Orville, prior to his football career.

    Another Saint, Jack Cork, patrols the midfield, with the echoes of his father's instruction following him like a dark shadow around the field.

    Burnley also shocked the world by resurrecting Jimi Hendrix for a role on the right wing, and the players walk out to a new version of Purple Haze, inventively titled "Claret Fog".

    The Clarets, as I think they're known, are managed by Sean Dyche, which sounds remarkably like the original Bond announcing that he is about to take his turn playing Craps. Dyche is a perpetually scary red-headed monster, and was reputedly carved out of a granite hillside. The hardcore that remained after the process formed his vocal cords, leading to his unique voice which has been known to shift tectonic plates as far away as Brazil.


    Unknown-1.jpeg
    Burnley manager, Sean Dyche



    Saints:

    We're dead good now, but historically rubbish against Burnley. In fact, we're winless against them in our last six premier league meetings, but don't worry, we'll f*****g smash them.


    Officials:

    I don't really give a monkeys, as long as it's not Kevin Friend or Jonathan Moss.


    Prediction:

    Southampton 1-0 Burnley
     
    #1
  2. saintrichie123

    saintrichie123 Well-Known Member

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    Kevin Friend is fourth official I think.....
     
    #2
  3. ----HistoryRepeating----

    ----HistoryRepeating---- Well-Known Member

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    Very good!
    <magic>
    As its early in the week I'm predicting a win......
    By Friday it'll be a draw.
     
    #3
  4. Saints Fan4Life

    Saints Fan4Life Well-Known Member

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    Going to be a windy one.
     
    #4
  5. thereisonlyoneno7

    thereisonlyoneno7 Well-Known Member

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    <laugh><laugh><applause>

    We're going to blow them away 3-0!!!!
     
    #5
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  6. VVD

    VVD Well-Known Member

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    Guaranteed 0-0.
     
    #6
  7. Archers Road

    Archers Road Urban Spaceman

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    I predict 90 minutes of freezing winds and fading hopes. Hope I'm wrong.
     
    #7
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  8. saintrichie123

    saintrichie123 Well-Known Member

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    3-1 home win....
     
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  9. thereisonlyoneno7

    thereisonlyoneno7 Well-Known Member

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    We haven't had a home game in so long, you guys have forgotten the new Positivity vibe :)

    Well SaintRichie hasn't.

    COYR
     
    #9
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  10. Saints for the Win

    Saints for the Win Any holes a goal

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    Not going. Sod getting wet, last time that happened, we got humped 9-0.
     
    #10

  11. Archers Road

    Archers Road Urban Spaceman

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    That never happened.
     
    #11
  12. saintrichie123

    saintrichie123 Well-Known Member

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    Yep don’t remember that.
     
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  13. SAINTOSPREY

    SAINTOSPREY Active Member

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    Southampton v Burnley
    Saturday 15th February 2020 12:30

    Referee: Simon Hooper.
    Assistants:
    Simon Beck, Derek Eaton.
    Fourth official: Kevin Friend.
    VAR
    : Michael Oliver.
    Assistant VAR: Gary Beswick.
     
    #13
    Le Tissier's Laces likes this.
  14. tomw24

    tomw24 Well-Known Member

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    1-0 either way. Not going to be a good game at all.
     
    #14
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  15. saintrichie123

    saintrichie123 Well-Known Member

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    Or weather....
     
    #15
  16. tomw24

    tomw24 Well-Known Member

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    Yes it did as it was the catalyst for our resurgence. :)
     
    #16
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  17. Archers Road

    Archers Road Urban Spaceman

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    True. There was something miraculous about the way we bounced back from that, and in sport you have to believe in miracles.

    I still don't want to think about it though.
     
    #17
  18. Lovelocum

    Lovelocum Well-Known Member

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    Yup. As horrible as it was in a twisted way I think we needed it. We were underperforming.

    Massive credit to Ralph for steadying the ship.

    Anyway, the match. We will win, cracking 1st half goals from Stephens and Ings. They will pile on pressure in the 2nd. Rodders will nick one.
     
    #18
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  19. Saints for the Win

    Saints for the Win Any holes a goal

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    I’m thinking about the driving rain. Meant to be going straight to Southampton for a friends birthday. I will be drenched.

    Hopefully the forecast improves.
     
    #19
  20. Libby

    Libby Not606's Top Interviewee

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    Draw I reckon, and that'll be a decent enough result too imo.
     
    #20

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