Off Topic Stupid things you've done whilst asleep

As it says on the tin. What daft things have you done whilst asleep?

Facebook reminded my wife, who then kindly reminded me, about this action which I performed 7 years ago today;

In my dream I was playing football on the back field with Paolo DiCanio and the rest of the SAFC squad. PDC was furious that after we scored, we kept on giving the ball away and conceding silly goals.

With the score at 19 all and just before the final whistle, PDC puts in a cross and I hit it on the volley with my left foot.

At this point in real life I swing my left leg around, but instead of connecting with a football, I boot the bedside drawer unit with all the force needed to burst the back of the net from 14 yards away. This hurt my foot somewhat.

In response to the sudden pain I reached to grab hold of my foot. This was unfortunate as my centre of gravity now shifted to somewhere about 4 inches off the edge of the mattress and I fell over the edge of the bed, smacking my face into my bedside unit.

At this point I half wake up and try to spin around to get back onto the bed, but all I acchieved was smacking my right shoulder blade into the top corner of the bedside unit.

The intense pain from this took my mind away from the law of gravity and I then landed in a heap on the floor, trying to hold my left foot and right shoulder blade. This wasn't a stable position so I rolled gently forwards to land a headbutt on the top draw of my bedside unit.

Even now, two things really piss me off about this:

1. I woke up before the ball crossed the line and I don't know if I scored.

2. I actually told my wife what I'd done, because I thought she had witnessed the whole thing, but she was in the bathroom at the time and had missed it all.

 

I head butted the corner of a chest of drawers and went back to sleep, woke up the next day was like a scene from a slasher movie needed 6 stitches above my eye and had tendon damage around eyelid that took all kinds of injections and creams to fix, over an 8 week period.

This was only in January

****e.

 

A lot of details remembered there marra

 

Got up for a piss
Walked round the bedroom
Pissed on the (now ex) missus
Went back to sleep

 

A mate of mine had been playing rugby one Saturday afternoon. Had a dream about a particularly rough ruck and had a massive sleep twitch which resulted ted in him punching his wife in the face. He broke her nose. She had been an absolute stunner too, but he's a big lad and gave it some welly. He doesn't remember it at all - its always her who brings it up and laughs about it.

 

cant even get things right in a dream eh,

 

Pissed down the stairs

 

When me and our lass were first going out my mam wouldn’t let us sleep together so I slept in one double bed with my dad and Noz slept with my mam anyway halfway through the night I was flicked up in the air and hit the wall on the other side of my old man this happened twice before he woke. When he looked down he says how the f uck did you get your leg down my underpants

 

Cut and pasted from that facebook post I mentioned - it was written as just after the wife had stopped laughing.

 

All been there mate. I remember in my youth in Shields getting screamed at for pissing in a lasses wardrobe, absolutely hammered.

Fortunately she was a ‘smash n Nash’ so no harm done

 

I've broke a back tooth in my sleep. Had recurring dreams for years about spitting broken teeth out of my mouth before it happened so guess the dentist had it spot on when she said I was grinding them.

 

Always dream of playing football, sometimes professionally, normally of playing for South Moor Juniors. Normally frustrated as well, play terribly, harder I try the worse i get. Often feel like I'm running shin deep in treacle, when trying to take a throw in is like trying to throw a bowling ball. Lands at my own feet. Often kick out in my sleep. Depending on which way im facing, i'll boot my wife up the arse or boot the wall. Broke my toe once.........wife has buns of steel.

 

I have that dream. Its as though I've crunched up a full packet of polos, then I bend over and let them spill out of my mouth.

 

Weird isn't it. No pain, no reason for it to happen, just spitting broken chunks of teeth into your hands. Check to see if you're grinding your teeth marra as I've not had a dream like that since I broke mine.

 

I dont think I do, my wife does. Dont know how she does it. Its sounds like somebody crushing a bag of stones.

 

I once dated a lass who was a bit of a gypsy and that and I’m sure she said teeth falling out in your dreams is supposedly related to short term stress or pressure.

She was fully mental mind.

 

That sounds about right. I suffer from extreme health anxiety.

 

I've kicked my wife a few times...usually during a nightmarish fight-or-flight kind of dream. Fortunately- I haven't injured her or done any harm.

If I drink too much alcohol before sleep occasionally I get mild 'restless leg syndrome'. My wife sensibly puts a large bolster pillow between us nowadays whilst sleeping.

 

I played for South Moor Juniors from 1969 to 1972

 

Early 90's for me.