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The barnsley joke page

Discussion in 'Barnsley' started by kiwiqpr, Mar 25, 2014.

  1. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #10761
  2. Taffvalerowdy

    Taffvalerowdy Well-Known Member

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  3. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    Paddy says "Mick, I'm thinking of buying a Labrador.""feck that" says Mick have you seen how many of their owners go blind"
     
    #10763
    Last edited: Jul 15, 2021
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  4. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    Why men shouldn't be Agony aunts:-

    Dear Phil
    I left home for work last week and after less than a mile my car stalled and wouldn't start.
    I walked back to my house and found my husband in bed with our 19 year old babysitter..
    They announced that the affair had been going on for two years.
    Can you help me I'm desperate.

    Dear Reader
    The most common cause of vehicles breaking down in the first mile is dirt in the fuel lines. Hope this helps.
    Phil.
     
    #10764
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  5. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    I was telling my mate that when me and the Mrs have an argument she starts getting historical.

    He replied "dont you mean hysterical? "

    I said "no historical, she starts bringing up the past!"
     
    #10765
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  6. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #10766
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  7. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #10767
  8. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    A bus stops and two Italian men get on. They sit down and engage in an animated conversation. The lady sitting behind them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say the following:
    "Emma come first. Den I come. Den two asses come together. I come once-a-more. Two asses, they come together again. I come again and pee twice. Then I come one lasta time."
    "You foul-mouthed sex obsessed swine," retorted the lady indignantly.
    "In this country ... we don't speak aloud in public places about our sex lives ...
    "Hey, coola down lady," said the man. "Who talkin' abouta sexa? I'm a justa tellin' my frienda how to spella 'Mississippi'."
     
    #10768
  9. Taffvalerowdy

    Taffvalerowdy Well-Known Member

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  10. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    So this bloke staggers exhausted into his house.
    "What's wrong with you?" asks his wife.
    "I thought I'd save my £2 bus fare by running behind the bus" gasps the man.
    "You idiot" says his wife.
    "If you'd run home behind a taxi you could've saved £15!"
     
    #10770

  11. Taffvalerowdy

    Taffvalerowdy Well-Known Member

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  12. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    So an expectant father rang the hospital to see how his wife was getting on. By mistake he was connected to the Lord's cricket ground.
    "How's it going?" he asked.
    "Fine," came the answer, "We've got three out and hope to have the rest out before lunch. The last one was a duck."
     
    #10772
  13. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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  14. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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  15. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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  16. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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  17. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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  18. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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  19. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    An older, tired-looking dog wandered into my yard.
    I could tell from his collar and well-fed belly that he had a home and was well taken care of.
    He calmly came over to me, I gave him a few pats on his head. He then followed me into my house, slowly walked down the hall, curled up in the corner and fell asleep.
    An hour later, he went to the door, and I let him out.
    The next day he was back, greeted me in my yard, walked inside and resumed his spot in the hall and again slept for about an hour.
    This continued off and on for several weeks.
    Curious I pinned a note to his collar: 'I would like to find out who the owner of this wonderful sweet dog is and ask if you are aware that almost every afternoon your dog comes to my house for a nap.'...!
    The next day he arrived for his nap, with a different note pinned to his collar ...
    'HE LIVES IN A HOME, WITH MY NON-STOP CHATTING AND NAGGING WIFE, HE'S TRYING TO CATCH UP ON HIS SLEEP .. CAN I COME WITH HIM TOMORROW ....???'
     
    #10779
  20. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    <laugh><laugh><laugh><laugh>
     
    #10780
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