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The barnsley joke page

Discussion in 'Barnsley' started by kiwiqpr, Mar 25, 2014.

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  1. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #13441
    Wooperts_duck, Jan 18, 2023
    San Diego and Makemstine Roger like this.
  2. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #13442
    Wooperts_duck, Jan 18, 2023
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  3. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    A woman went to a lawyer to discuss divorcing her husband:
    "Don't you love him any more?" Asked the lawyer.
    "Oh, I still love him." The woman replied. "But, all he ever wants is sex, I can't take it."
    "Instead of divorcing him, why don't you try charging him every time he wants to make love?" The lawyer suggested.
    The exhausted wife decided to give the plan a try.
    As soon as she walked into the house that night her husband started on her.
    "Not so fast." She said. "From now on it'll be £10 in the kitchen,
    £20 in the living room and £50 in the bedroom."
    "Well, then." He said. "Here's £50."
    The wife began walking to the bedroom.
    "Hold on." He said, grabbing her hand........
    "That'll be five times in the kitchen!"
     
    #13443
    Makemstine Roger, Jan 18, 2023
    San Diego and Wooperts_duck like this.
  4. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    #13444
    Makemstine Roger, Jan 18, 2023
    San Diego and Wooperts_duck like this.
  5. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    #13445
    Makemstine Roger, Jan 18, 2023
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  6. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    The owner & bartender, was so sure that he was
    the strongest man around, that he offered a
    standing $1000 bet.
    The bartender would squeeze a lemon until all the juice ran into a glass, and then hand the lemon to a patron.
    Anyone who could squeeze two more drops of juice out of it, would win the money.
    Many people had tried, over the years: weightlifters, longshoremen, football players etc., but nobody had ever been able to do it.
    One day, this scrawny little fellow came into the bar,wearing thick glasses and a polyester suit.
    He sat down, ordered a glass of draft, & started looking around the bar.
    After reading the sign on the wall about the lemon challenge, he said in a meek voice:
    "I was just reading your sign, and I'd like to try the bet."
    After the laughter in the pub had died down, the bartender grabbed a lemon and squeezed the heck out of it.....
    Then he handed the wrinkled remains of the rind to the little fellow.
    The Crowd's laughter turned to total silence....
    as the man clenched his little fist around the lemon....and six drops fell into the glass.
    As the crowd cheered, the bartender paid the guy his $1000, and then asked little man:
    "Do you mind if I ask what do you do for a living?
    Are you a lumberjack, a weight-lifter, or what?"
    The little fellow quietly replied:
    "No, I work for The Australian Tax Office!"
     
    #13446
    Wooperts_duck, Jan 18, 2023
    San Diego and Didley Squat like this.
  7. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #13447
    Wooperts_duck, Jan 18, 2023
    San Diego, Makemstine Roger and Didley Squat like this.
  8. Didley Squat

    Didley Squat Well-Known Member

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    You should have sent her our very own, Makemstine Roger.
     
    #13448
    Didley Squat, Jan 19, 2023
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  9. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    already had that problem with fan fan
     
    #13449
    Makemstine Roger, Jan 19, 2023
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  10. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #13450
    Wooperts_duck, Jan 21, 2023
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  11. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #13451
    Wooperts_duck, Jan 21, 2023
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  12. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #13452
    Wooperts_duck, Jan 21, 2023
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  13. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #13453
    Wooperts_duck, Jan 21, 2023
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  14. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #13454
    Wooperts_duck, Jan 21, 2023
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  15. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #13455
    Wooperts_duck, Jan 21, 2023
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  16. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    Research shows that there are 7 kinds of sex.
    The1st kind of sex is called: Smurf Sex.
    This kind of sex happens when you first meet someone, and you have sex until you are blue in the face.
    The 2nd kind of sex is called: Kitchen Sex.
    This is when you have been with your partner for a short time, and you are so needy you will have sex anywhere, even in the kitchen.
    The 3rd kind of sex is called: Bedroom Sex.
    This is when you have been with your partner for a long time. You still have sex – occasionally - and if you do, you only have it in your bedroom.
    The 4th kind of sex is called: Hallway Sex.
    This is when you have been with your partner for too long. When you pass each other in the hallway you both say, 'F*** you.'
    The 5th kind of sex is called: Religious Sex.
    Which means you get Nun in the morning, Nun in the afternoon and Nun at night. (Very Popular)
    The 6th kind is called Courtroom Sex.
    This is when you cannot stand your wife/ husband any more. He/she takes you to court and screws you in front of everyone.
    And; last, but not least,
    The 7th kind of sex is called: Pension Sex.
    You get a little each month. But not enough to enjoy yourself.
     
    #13456
    Wooperts_duck, Jan 21, 2023
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  17. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #13457
    Wooperts_duck, Jan 21, 2023
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  18. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #13458
    Wooperts_duck, Jan 21, 2023
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  19. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #13459
    Wooperts_duck, Jan 21, 2023
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  20. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #13460
    Wooperts_duck, Jan 21, 2023
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Page 673 of 748
: this kiwi dont eat worms, kiwi never sleeps, kiwi was here, LIKE KIWI, kiwis watching you lot, kiwi farts a lot

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