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The barnsley joke page

Discussion in 'Barnsley' started by kiwiqpr, Mar 25, 2014.

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  1. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    A man walks into the toy store to get a Barbie doll for his daughter. So he asks the assistant, as you would, "How much is Barbie?"
    "Well," she says, "we have Barbie Goes to the Gym for $19.95, Barbie Goes to the Ball for $19.95, Barbie Goes Shopping for $19.95, Barbie Goes to the Beach for $19.95, Barbie Goes Nightclubbing for $19.95, and Divorced Barbie for $265.00."
    "Hey, hang on," the guy asks, "why is Divorced Barbie $265.00 when all the others are only $19.95?"
    "Yeah, well, it's like this....Divorced Barbie comes with Ken's house, Ken's car, Ken's boat, Ken's furniture...
     
    #13661
    Wooperts_duck, Mar 28, 2023
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  2. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    please log in to view this image
     
    #13662
    Wooperts_duck, Mar 28, 2023
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  3. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #13663
    Wooperts_duck, Mar 28, 2023
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  4. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #13664
    Wooperts_duck, Mar 28, 2023
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  5. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    A passenger in a taxi leaned over to ask the driver a question and gently tapped him on the shoulder to get his attention. The driver screamed, lost control of the cab, nearly hit a bus, drove up over the curb and stopped just inches from a large plate glass window.
    For a few moments everything was silent in the cab.
    Then, the still shaking driver said, 'Are you OK?...... I'm so sorry, but you scared the daylights out of me.'
    The badly shaken passenger apologized to the driver and said he didn't realize that a mere tap on the shoulder would startle the driver so badly.
    The driver replied, 'No, no, I'm the one who is sorry, it's entirely my fault. Today is my very first day driving a cab……………….. I've been driving a hearse for the past 25 years.
     
    #13665
    Wooperts_duck, Mar 29, 2023
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  6. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    I said to my mate, "I just watched that film about the Nazis."

    He said, "Oh what, the one with Adolf in?" I said, "No mate, you're thinking of 'Flipper', this was just about the Nazis."
     
    #13666
    Wooperts_duck, Mar 29, 2023
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  7. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    I asked a married woman for a date once, but she said no because I had a face like the back of a boat.

    I didn't reply, I just gave her a stern look...
     
    #13667
    Wooperts_duck, Mar 29, 2023
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  8. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    Film studios have announced a remake of Hitchcock’s classic The Birds.

    Leading roles by Russell Crowe, Steven Seagal and Ethan Hawke, with music by Taylor Swift.
     
    #13668
    Wooperts_duck, Mar 29, 2023
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  9. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    My Grandad only had one leg, but still managed to work 40 years in a brewery.

    He was in charge of the hops.
     
    #13669
    Wooperts_duck, Mar 29, 2023
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  10. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    I got the sack today for downloading porn and making everything crash.

    They're a bit strict at Air Traffic Control.
     
    #13670
    Wooperts_duck, Mar 29, 2023
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  11. Didley Squat

    Didley Squat Well-Known Member

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    I really feel for great musical artists like Stevie Wonder.
    He’s worked his ring off all his life but is yet to see a single cent of his money. It’s not right l say.
     
    #13671
    Didley Squat, Mar 30, 2023
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  12. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #13672
    Wooperts_duck, Mar 30, 2023
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  13. Taffvalerowdy

    Taffvalerowdy Well-Known Member

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    upload_2023-4-3_16-38-52.jpeg
     
    #13673
    Taffvalerowdy, Apr 3, 2023
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  14. Didley Squat

    Didley Squat Well-Known Member

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    #13674
    Didley Squat, Apr 4, 2023
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  15. Taffvalerowdy

    Taffvalerowdy Well-Known Member

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    upload_2023-4-4_8-41-50.png
     
    #13675
    Taffvalerowdy, Apr 4, 2023
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  16. Didley Squat

    Didley Squat Well-Known Member

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    #13676
    Didley Squat, Apr 4, 2023
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  17. Taffvalerowdy

    Taffvalerowdy Well-Known Member

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    <laugh><laugh><laugh>
     
    #13677
    Taffvalerowdy, Apr 4, 2023
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  18. Taffvalerowdy

    Taffvalerowdy Well-Known Member

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    upload_2023-4-8_17-16-55.png
     
    #13678
    Taffvalerowdy, Apr 8, 2023
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  19. Taffvalerowdy

    Taffvalerowdy Well-Known Member

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    upload_2023-4-8_22-1-26.jpeg
     
    #13679
    Taffvalerowdy, Apr 8, 2023
    Bunny, San Diego, Makemstine Roger and 1 other person like this.
  20. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #13680
    Wooperts_duck, Apr 8, 2023
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: this kiwi dont eat worms, kiwi never sleeps, kiwi was here, LIKE KIWI, kiwis watching you lot, kiwi farts a lot

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