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The Crazy Bitch Divorce Thread

Discussion in 'The Premier League' started by luvgonzo, Aug 20, 2018.

  1. luvgonzo

    luvgonzo Pisshead

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    I just did it for a laugh the first time after she asked me. I was doing her friend throughout the year I was married to her.
     
    #101
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  2. Milk not bear jizz

    Milk not bear jizz Grasser-In-Chief

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    First girl I ever dated taught me two things.

    1) Don't ask out anyone you've never seen standing up.
    2) Some girls are meant to be avoided.

    Actually, technically she ask me out, but I met her when a teenager working in a mall. I delivered something to her, she sat behind an information desk, looked quite pretty so I flirted a little... She asked me out... I readily accepted.

    Went to meet her and that's when she stood up and walked out from behind the desk. She was pear shaped to put it nicely. Never would have guessed from what I saw above the desk. <laugh>

    I wasn't a big enough jackoff to say "oops, I thought you were skinny" so I went out with her.

    Anyhow onto the crazy... So we went out, she drove because I was too young at the time. Went to see a movie and afterwards she drove me home. I didn't really like her, her personality wasn't any better than her lower body, but I was a teenager and didn't really know what to do when she suddenly starting trying to suck my face off. I wasn't really reciprocating, but I wasn't pushing her off either.. she stuck her tongue down my throat, I remember she tasted awful and was happy to finally escape her when I did.

    Then the phone calls began starting the next day... Multiple times a day, I was too nice and innocent back then so didn't tell her to just **** off. I didn't go out with her again though after that.

    The calls always migrated to telling me how she hates her step father. They would frequently then go to, could I shoot someone if I had to? Would I shoot someone to protect another person's honour? Did I have access to a gun? Had I ever fired a gun?

    Maybe I'm interpreting things wrong, but it almost seemed to me like she was trying to groom me to shoot her step father. Almost as if I owed it to her because she stuck her disgusting tasting tongue down my throat one time.

    Yeah... So morale of the story. See someone standing up before you go out with them and say goodbye at the first sign of crazy.
     
    #102
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  3. gooner4ever

    gooner4ever once a Gooner always a Gooner
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    Her name was Jane with blonde hair.
     
    #103
  4. Big Ern

    Big Ern Lord, Master, Guru & Emperor

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    I was close as a young man, found the right one, then she said she thought she was pregnant. Like a drowning man my life flashed before me. We didn't last long after that and within 6 months I was off to have what was essentially a 15 year summer holiday.
     
    #104
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  5. JakartaToon

    JakartaToon Well-Known Member
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    Not sure I could perform with a knife to my throat but each to his own.
     
    #105
  6. Commachio

    Commachio Rambo 2021

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    That's sounds much better.

    This is a creepy thread, and quite shocking that burley isn't alone in his fondness off wedding cake and psychotic bints .
     
    #106
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  7. Number 1 Jasper

    Number 1 Jasper Well-Known Member

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    Best thing that ever happened to me .

    I would have been dead LONG ago if it wasn't for the fact I met Mrs J .

    There you go .

    Total honesty , not fussed if you believe it or not .
     
    #107
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  8. Milk not bear jizz

    Milk not bear jizz Grasser-In-Chief

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    Out of curiosity, have you ever swung on vines between trees in the jungle?
     
    #108
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  9. Big Ern

    Big Ern Lord, Master, Guru & Emperor

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    I've had my fair share of those too, luckily they tend to get on a plane and **** off when their holiday ends.
     
    #109
  10. Commachio

    Commachio Rambo 2021

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    Unlike this lot, who end up marrying them.
     
    #110

  11. Number 1 Jasper

    Number 1 Jasper Well-Known Member

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    Sod being contented eh ?

    Admit it you are a great big softie :)
     
    #111
  12. Blueman

    Blueman Well-Known Member

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    I'm very contented but wouldn't marry twice.
     
    #112
  13. Number 1 Jasper

    Number 1 Jasper Well-Known Member

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    I agree except in My Mum and Dad's case ( or others in similar circumstances ) .

    My Mum's first husband died in a tragic boating accident .

    She then met and obviously married my Dad .

    I get that , if that makes sense ?
     
    #113
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  14. Blueman

    Blueman Well-Known Member

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    I get what you mean. Wouldn't want anyone else personally.
     
    #114
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  15. BobbyD

    BobbyD President

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    what if she was mega rich, chilled out, was fit as **** and loved chelsea and going to watch them and had no kids
     
    #115
  16. Commachio

    Commachio Rambo 2021

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    Then ****s RA over for about 7 billion.
     
    #116
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  17. Milk not bear jizz

    Milk not bear jizz Grasser-In-Chief

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    Swap Chelsea for Liverpool and make her one of James Milner's cousins and I'm in.
     
    #117
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  18. The Ginger Marks

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    James Milner cousin Kevin?
     
    #118
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  19. Blueman

    Blueman Well-Known Member

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    Nah, it goes beyond money for me.
     
    #119
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  20. gooner4ever

    gooner4ever once a Gooner always a Gooner
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    <laugh>
     
    #120

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