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Off Topic The 'Like' Brothel

Discussion in 'Newcastle United' started by Albert's Chip Shop, Dec 27, 2014.

  1. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    My mate was telling me that he failed his exam in Aboriginal music.

    I said, "Didja redo it?"
     
    #2801
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  2. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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  3. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    Little Johnny walks in on his parents having sex.....
    his father sees him, but instead of saying anything, he gives Johnny a huge grin and thumbs up, then starts to really give it to the old lady. The next night, the father gets up to go to the restroom, and he hears noises coming from Johnny's room. He looks in the door, and Johnny is on top of his grandmother, really giving it to her. Johnny looks at his father, gives him a grin and says, "not so funny when it's your Mom, is it?"
     
    #2803
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  4. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    An English tourist was driving through the Outback when he noticed a man on the side of the road having sex with a kangaroo.

    A few kilometres further on, he came upon a small Outback town, parked his car and went into the pub for a drink.

    He grabbed a beer and had a look around the bar and noticed a one-legged guy sitting in the corner masturbating without a care in the world.

    The English tourist turned to the barman and said: "What sort of country is this?! A few kilometres down the road there was a guy having sex with a kangaroo and that guy in the corner is masturbating in full view of everyone."

    The barman said, "You heartless English bastard. He's only got one leg. How do you expect him to catch a kangaroo...?"
     
    #2804
  5. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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  6. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    I hate getting older but then I talk to 20 year olds and realise it's for the best.
     
    #2806
  7. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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  8. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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  9. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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  10. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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  11. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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  12. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    At the Pearly Gates !!
    Queen Elizabeth and Dolly Parton
    die on the same day and they both go before an Angel to find out if they'll be admitted to Heaven.
    The Angel tells them unfortunately, there's only one space left that day,
    so the Angel must decide which of them gets in.
    The Angel asks Dolly if there's some particular reason why she should go to Heaven.
    Dolly takes off her top and says,
    'Look at these, they're the most perfect breasts God ever created, and I'm sure it will please God to be able to see them every day for eternity.'
    The Angel thanks Dolly, and asks Her Majesty the same question.
    Without saying a word, the Queen takes a bottle of Perrier out of her purse, drinks it down. Then, wees into a toilet and pulls the lever.
    The Angel says, 'OK, your Majesty, you may go in.'
    Dolly is outraged and screams, 'What was that all about? show you two of God's own perfect creations and you
    turn me down She wees into a toilet and she gets in! Explain that to me!'
    'Sorry, Dolly,' says the Angel, ‘but even in Heaven, a Royal Flush beats a Pair - no matter how big they are.........
     
    #2812
  13. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    London marathon to be cancelled.

    Police say it's completely unacceptable to have 20,000 whites chasing a black man!!..
     
    #2813
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  14. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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  15. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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  16. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    I'm gutted.
    My pet mouse Elvis just died.
    He was caught in a trap
     
    #2816
  17. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    A biker is riding by the zoo in Washington, DC when he sees a little girl leaning into the lion's cage. Suddenly, the lion grabs her by the cuff of her jacket and tries to pull her inside to slaughter her, under the eyes of her screaming parents. The biker jumps off his Harley runs to the cage and hits the lion square on the nose with a powerful punch.
    Whimpering from the pain the lion jumps back letting go of the girl, and the biker brings her to her terrified parents, who thank him endlessly. A reporter has watched the whole event.
    The reporter addressing the biker says, "Sir, that was the most gallant and brave thing I've ever seen a man do in my whole life."
    The biker replies, "Why, it was nothing, really, the lion was behind bars... I just saw this little kid in danger and acted as I felt right."
    The reporter says, "Well, I'll make sure this won't go unnoticed. I'm a journalist, and tomorrow's paper will have this story on the front page ... so, what do you do for a living and what political affiliation do you have?'
    The biker replies, "I'm a U.S. Marine and a Republican."
    The journalist leaves and the following morning the biker buys the paper to see news of his actions, and reads, on the front page:
    U.S. MARINE ASSAULTS AN AFRICAN IMMIGRANT, STEALS HIS LUNCH...
     
    #2817
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  18. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    An English tourist was driving through the Outback when he noticed a man on the side of the road having sex with a kangaroo.
    A few kilometres further on, he came upon a small Outback town, parked his car and went into the pub for a drink.
    He grabbed a beer and had a look around the bar and noticed a one-legged guy sitting in the corner masturbating without a care in the world.
    The English tourist turned to the barman and said: "What sort of country is this?! A few kilometres down the road there was a guy having sex with a kangaroo and that guy in the corner is masturbating in full view of everyone."
    The barman said, "You heartless English bastard. He's only got one leg. How do you expect him to catch a kangaroo...?"
     
    #2818
  19. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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  20. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    Fuming!!!

    First day of the pubs being open, I was sat at my table and got hit on the back of the head by a prawn cocktail !!

    I looked round and this bloke shouts, 'That's just for starters !'
     
    #2820

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