Off Topic The 'Like' Brothel

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FFS Nine years since the Rep Brothel bit the dust.

 

Poor @ToonArmy1892 was still in nappies

 

The incontinence type that Trev wears?

 

Good to have you back Heed.

 

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Whoever can tell me how to switch off "auto correct" will have my external Gertrude !!

 

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Failed my interview for the job as a weather presenter.

I stormed out.

 

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Gentlemen, please show this to your better half, for a quiet life.

Mens perspective These are our rules which
our Ladies need to understand :-
Please note.... these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!

1. Boobs are for looking at and that is why we do it. Don’t try to change that.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You’re a big girl. If its up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don’t hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Saturday = Sports. Its like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport. and no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: subtle hints do not work! strong hints do not work! obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That’s what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

1. If you think you are fat, you probably are. Don’t ask us.

1. if something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

1. you can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colours, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a colour. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what Mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. if we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing’, we will act like nothings wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don’t want an answer to, expect an answer you don’t want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.

1. Don’t ask us what we are thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as Sex, Sport, or Cars.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.

1. Thank you for reading this;
Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know men really don’t mind that, its like camping.

 

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Teacher: "What does your dad do for a living?"
Student: "He is a magician."
Teacher: "What is his favourite trick?"
Student: "He cuts people in two."
Teacher: "How many brothers and sisters do you have?"
Student: "One half brother and one half sister."