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Off Topic The offical: Jokes THREAD

Discussion in 'Liverpool' started by Garlic Klopp, Jan 13, 2014.

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  1. Zorba

    Zorba Well-Known Member

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    #5661
    Zorba, Dec 4, 2020
  2. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    My Grandma is 96 years old and still doesn't need glasses.

    She drinks straight from the bottle....
     
    #5662
    kiwiqpr, Dec 7, 2020
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  3. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    #5663
    kiwiqpr, Dec 7, 2020
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  4. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    When my great-grandad went bald, he built a machine to weave himself a wig out of yarn
    He then gave it to my grandad, who then gave it to my dad - and one day, it will be mine.
    It’s our family hair loom.
     
    #5664
    kiwiqpr, Dec 7, 2020
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  5. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    I keep randomly shouting out 'Broccoli' and 'Cauliflower' - I think I might have florets
     
    #5665
    kiwiqpr, Dec 7, 2020
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  6. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    #5666
    kiwiqpr, Dec 7, 2020
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  7. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    #5667
    kiwiqpr, Dec 7, 2020
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  8. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    #5668
    kiwiqpr, Dec 7, 2020
  9. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    My colleague can no longer attend next weeks Innuendo Seminar.

    So I have to fill her slot instead.
     
    #5669
    kiwiqpr, Dec 7, 2020
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  10. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    • If I want to know if it’s hot enough to remove my clothing at the beach,
    • I’ll listen to the Stripping Forecast
     
    #5670
    kiwiqpr, Dec 7, 2020
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  11. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    'I saw on social media my cousin’s a bugler in the Army.

    I liked his last post.'
     
    #5671
    kiwiqpr, Dec 7, 2020
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  12. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    • A thesaurus is great.
    • There’s no other word for it
     
    #5672
    kiwiqpr, Dec 7, 2020
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  13. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    #5673
    kiwiqpr, Dec 7, 2020
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  14. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    #5674
    kiwiqpr, Dec 7, 2020
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  15. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    #5675
    kiwiqpr, Dec 7, 2020
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  16. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    #5676
    kiwiqpr, Dec 7, 2020
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  17. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    My wife says she is leaving me because she thinks I'm obsessed with astronomy...........



    What planet is she on?
     
    #5677
    kiwiqpr, Dec 7, 2020
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  18. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    I remember when I first started dating my wife, I got a hard-on just watching her eating a banana...



    Now after ten years of marriage, I only get aroused if she starts choking on it!
     
    #5678
    kiwiqpr, Dec 7, 2020
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  19. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    I went by the house where I grew up today and asked to go in to look around, but they said no and shut the door in my face...



    My parents can be so rude!
     
    #5679
    kiwiqpr, Dec 7, 2020
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  20. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    If anyone wants to come and talk to me about my shoddy joinery work...

    My door is always open.
     
    #5680
    kiwiqpr, Dec 7, 2020
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