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Off Topic The offical: Jokes THREAD

Discussion in 'Liverpool' started by Garlic Klopp, Jan 13, 2014.

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  1. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    #5881
    kiwiqpr, Aug 11, 2021
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  2. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    kiwiqpr, Aug 11, 2021
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  3. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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  4. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    kiwiqpr, Aug 11, 2021
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  5. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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  6. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    kiwiqpr, Aug 11, 2021
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  7. Red Hadron Collider

    Red Hadron Collider The Hammerhead

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    <laugh>
     
    #5887
    Red Hadron Collider, Aug 11, 2021
  8. Diego

    Diego Lone Ranger

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    <laugh> <laugh> <laugh>
     
    #5888
    Diego, Aug 11, 2021
  9. LuisDiazgamechanger

    LuisDiazgamechanger Dribbles

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    An armless man walks into a bar
    which is empty except for the bartender.
    He orders a drink and when he has been served, asks the bartender if he would mind getting the money from his wallet in his pocket, since he has no arms. The bartender obliges.
    Next the man asks if the bartender would tip the glass to his lips. The bartender holds the glass until the man finishes his drink.
    The man then asks if the bartender would get a hanky from his pocket and wipe the foam from his lips. The bartender does it and comments that it must be very difficult to have no arms and have to ask someone to do nearly everything for you. The man says, ‘Yes, it is a bit embarrassing at times. By the way, where’s the toilet?’ The bartender quickly replies, ‘The closest one is in the service station three blocks down the street.’
     
    #5889
    LuisDiazgamechanger, Aug 23, 2021
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  10. LuisDiazgamechanger

    LuisDiazgamechanger Dribbles

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    Man got tired of his wife constantly picking on him started playing poker
    A henpecked man got tired of his wife constantly picking on him, so he started playing poker on Friday nights with his buddies just to get some relief.

    After he came home she'd start right in on him again.


    After several weeks went by, he came home early one Friday night about 9:30.

    His wife asked him how come he was home early.

    He told her, "You need to pack your bags and go to Herb's house, I lost you to him in the card game tonight."


    His wife became furious and started to give him hell. She said, "Just how could you do such a thing!?"


    He replied, "It was the hardest thing I ever done...



    I had to fold with four aces."
     
    #5890
    LuisDiazgamechanger, Aug 23, 2021

  11. LuisDiazgamechanger

    LuisDiazgamechanger Dribbles

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    LuisDiazgamechanger, Sep 17, 2021
  12. Garlic Klopp

    Garlic Klopp Well-Known Member

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    The wife says we need to have a chat about my childish behaviour.
    Like that’s going to happen during conker season.
     
    #5892
    Garlic Klopp, Oct 3, 2021
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  13. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    kiwiqpr, Oct 3, 2021
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  14. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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  15. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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  16. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    Just done my good deed for today!

    I’ve just come back from Tescos where I was behind an old lady in the queue. Her bill came to £56.83, but when she counted out all her change, she only had just under £40.

    I thought she was probably someones Nan, and I’d like to think someone would help my Nan in that situation as Christmas is just around the corner.

    She didn’t want me to help her, but I insisted, and in no time we had all her shopping back on the shelves...
     
    #5896
    kiwiqpr, Oct 3, 2021
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  17. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    Some bloke walked up to the counter and said,"Burger and Chips,please."
    "Certainly sir," I replied."Are you eating in or out?"
    "Do one idiot," he snapped,before walking off with his food.

    I love working in the prison canteen.
     
    #5897
    kiwiqpr, Oct 3, 2021
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  18. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    kiwiqpr, Oct 3, 2021
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  19. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    kiwiqpr, Oct 3, 2021
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  20. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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