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Off Topic The offical: Jokes THREAD

Discussion in 'Liverpool' started by Garlic Klopp, Jan 13, 2014.

Page 6 of 345
  1. Super G Ted'inho

    Super G Ted'inho Guest

    Don't be silly, its a brand new joke!!! :bandit:
     
    #101
    Super G Ted'inho, May 20, 2014
  2. Milk not bear jizz

    Milk not bear jizz Grasser-In-Chief

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    Mr. Roberto Gerrez [not gay married]
     
    #102
    Milk not bear jizz, May 20, 2014
  3. Red Hadron Collider

    Red Hadron Collider The Hammerhead

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    Worst joke thread I've seen on here.
     
    #103
    Red Hadron Collider, May 20, 2014
  4. LuisDiazgamechanger

    LuisDiazgamechanger Dribbles

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    Whenever you feel sad, just remember that somewhere in this world there's an idiot pulling a door that says "PUSH".
     
    #104
    LuisDiazgamechanger, May 20, 2014
  5. Red Hadron Collider

    Red Hadron Collider The Hammerhead

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    Valid point <ok>
     
    #105
    Red Hadron Collider, May 21, 2014
  6. LuisDiazgamechanger

    LuisDiazgamechanger Dribbles

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    "I'm contemplating introducing Sharia law for bicycle theft," said the leader of the main opposition Conservative Party, David Cameron, referring to the Islamic law code, after thieves took his bike as he stopped to pick up groceries near his west London home
     
    #106
    LuisDiazgamechanger, May 21, 2014
  7. Garlic Klopp

    Garlic Klopp Well-Known Member

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    ...
     

    Attached Files:

    #107
    Garlic Klopp, Jun 2, 2014
    Noblelox likes this.
  8. LuisDiazgamechanger

    LuisDiazgamechanger Dribbles

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    Two men were in a pub. One says to his mate, "My MIL is an angel." His friend replies, "You're lucky. Mine is still alive."
     
    #108
    LuisDiazgamechanger, Jun 3, 2014
  9. Radio Klopp

    Radio Klopp Armed & Dangerous

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    A burglar broke into a house one night. He shined his flashlight around, looking for valuables when a voice in the dark said, 'Jesus knows you're here.'
    He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze. When he heard nothing more, he shook his head and continued.
    Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, clear as a bell he heard 'Jesus is watching you.'
    Startled, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot.
    'Did you say that?' he hissed at the parrot.
    'Yes', the parrot confessed, then squawked, 'I'm just trying to warn you that he's watching you.'
    The burglar relaxed. 'Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?'
    'Moses,' replied the bird.
    'Moses?' the burglar laughed. 'What kind of people would name a bird Moses?'
    'The kind of people who would name a Rottweiler Jesus.'
     
    #109
    Radio Klopp, Jun 12, 2014
    Noblelox and kiwiqpr like this.
  10. LuisDiazgamechanger

    LuisDiazgamechanger Dribbles

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    A man goes to a Halloween party with a woman on his back.

    The host asks him, "And what are you?"
    The man says, &#8220;I&#8217;m a snail."
    The host says, "And who's that on your back?"
    And the man says, "That's badger!"
     
    #110
    LuisDiazgamechanger, Jun 12, 2014

  11. Red Hadron Collider

    Red Hadron Collider The Hammerhead

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    ****ing brilliant <laugh> <laugh>
     
    #111
    Red Hadron Collider, Jun 13, 2014
  12. Super G Ted'inho

    Super G Ted'inho Guest

    What do you call an Italian with a rubber toe...?




    Roberto!
     
    #112
    Super G Ted'inho, Jun 13, 2014
  13. FedLadSonOfAnfield

    FedLadSonOfAnfield Lad

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    If a doctor eats an apple does he have an existential crisis?
     
    #113
    FedLadSonOfAnfield, Jun 16, 2014
  14. LuisDiazgamechanger

    LuisDiazgamechanger Dribbles

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    I would rather rape a virgin than let that person have a chance of being a suicide bomber's reward.
     
    #114
    LuisDiazgamechanger, Jun 16, 2014
  15. Red Hadron Collider

    Red Hadron Collider The Hammerhead

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    I was asked by the lady on the Clinique counter in Debenhams what my personal grooming preference was. I could tell by her face that "Haribos" wasn't the response she was expecting.
     
    #115
    Red Hadron Collider, Jun 16, 2014
    Noblelox likes this.
  16. moreinjuredthanowen

    moreinjuredthanowen Mafiosi

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    wrong on so so many levels
     
    #116
    moreinjuredthanowen, Jun 16, 2014
  17. Red Hadron Collider

    Red Hadron Collider The Hammerhead

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    #prude
     
    #117
    Red Hadron Collider, Jun 16, 2014
  18. moreinjuredthanowen

    moreinjuredthanowen Mafiosi

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    #peado...
     
    #118
    moreinjuredthanowen, Jun 16, 2014
  19. Red Hadron Collider

    Red Hadron Collider The Hammerhead

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    I thought everyone bar me liked Haribos.
     
    #119
    Red Hadron Collider, Jun 16, 2014
  20. LuisDiazgamechanger

    LuisDiazgamechanger Dribbles

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    Extract from Interview given by Roy Hodgson after England lost to France in Brazil:

    Reporter: "They warned you that you cannot win any thing with Kids, yet you came with kids to the greatest football event in the world".
    Roy: "Looks at the kids, Sterling in particular, is ten times f**k...better that some old legs in the team. He put in a cross these old legs cannot finish the job. It was a killer ball".
    Reporter: "Old legs?...can you name them"
    Roy: "Unprofessional to be specific".
    Reporter:"Your next game is against Uruguay. Do you think this old legs can stop them"?
    Roy: "Forget about Uruguay, the job is done: Suarez is not one hundred percent fit and they also have suspensions".
    Reporter: "Good luck Roy".
     
    #120
    LuisDiazgamechanger, Jun 16, 2014
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