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Off Topic The Rep Brothel

Discussion in 'Newcastle United' started by Albert's Chip Shop, Jul 26, 2011.

  1. Albert's Chip Shop

    Albert's Chip Shop Top Grafter
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  2. Albert's Chip Shop

    Albert's Chip Shop Top Grafter
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  3. Albert's Chip Shop

    Albert's Chip Shop Top Grafter
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  4. Obi Wan

    Obi Wan keeper of the peace
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    Are you finally learning how to count to Albert?
     
    #49184
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  5. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    He stopped when he reached the end of his fingers on one hand
     
    #49185
  6. Obi Wan

    Obi Wan keeper of the peace
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    Nah, he only counted to 5.
     
    #49186
  7. Albert's Chip Shop

    Albert's Chip Shop Top Grafter
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    ……
     
    #49187
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  8. Albert's Chip Shop

    Albert's Chip Shop Top Grafter
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    ………………
     
    #49188
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  9. Delusional Full Stop

    Delusional Full Stop Champion’s League Prediction League Champion
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    Now he's stuttering !!!

    <doh>
     
    #49189
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  10. Obi Wan

    Obi Wan keeper of the peace
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    Wait, I think it's morse code for "Can anyone help out of this ditch?".
     
    #49190

  11. Delusional Full Stop

    Delusional Full Stop Champion’s League Prediction League Champion
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    <laugh>
     
    #49191
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  12. Albert's Chip Shop

    Albert's Chip Shop Top Grafter
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    …..
    ……………
     
    #49192
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  13. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    please log in to view this image
     
    #49193
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  14. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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  15. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    Two French paratroopers were seconded to the SAS for special training.
    After the first day they met up in the bar. "Ah, Francois," asks one, "ow 'av you been doing?"
    "Merde!" answers Francois. "I 'av 'ad ze most terrible day. Terrible! At seex zis morning I was woken by zis beeg 'airy sergeant. 'E dragged me out of bed and on to ze parade ground."
    "And zen what 'appened?"
    "I will tell you what 'appened! 'E made me climb urp zis seely leetle platform two metres off ze ground and zen 'e said "Jurmp!"
    "And did you jurmp?"
    "I did not. I told 'im - "I am a French paratrooper. I do not jurmp Two metres. Eet is beneath my dignity."
    "And zen what 'appened?"
    "Zen 'e made me climb urp zis seely leetle platform five metres off ze ground, and 'e said "Jurmp."
    "And did you jurmp?"
    "I did not. I told 'im - "I am a French paratrooper. I do not jurmp five metres. Eet is beneath my dignity."
    "What 'appened zen?"
    "Zen 'e made me climb urp zis rickety platform thirty metres above ze parade ground. 'E undid 'is trousers, took out zis enormous weely, and 'e said 'If you do not jurmp, I am going to steek zis right urp your burme!'"
    "Sacre Bleu, mon ami. And did you jurmp?"
    "A leetle, at ze beginning.".
     
    #49195
  16. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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  17. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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  18. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    A woman from New York was driving through a remote part of Arizona when her car broke down. An American Indian on horseback came along and offered her a ride to a nearby town.
    She climbed up behind him on the horse and they rode off. The ride was uneventful, except that every few minutes the Indian would let out a Ye-e-e-e-h-a-a-a-a!' so loud that it echoed from the surrounding hills and canyon walls.
    When they arrived in town, he let her off at the local service station, yelled one final 'Ye-e-e-e-h-a-a-a-a!' and rode off.
    "What did you do to get that Indian so excited?" asked the service-station attendant. "Nothing," the woman answered "I merely sat behind him on the horse, put my arms around his waist, and held onto the saddle horn so I wouldn't fall off."
    "Lady," the attendant said, "Indians don't use saddles.
     
    #49198
  19. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    An interesting concept?

    You might not know this...but a lot of non-living objects are actually either male or female.

    Here are some examples:
    FREEZER BAGS: They are male, because they hold everything in...but you can see right through them.
    PHOTOCOPIERS: These are female, because once turned off....it takes a while to warm them up again.
    They are an effective reproductive device if the right buttons are pushed...but can also wreak havoc if you push the wrong Buttons.
    TYRES: Tyres are male, because they go bald easily and are often over inflated
    HOT AIR BALLOONS: Also a male object... Because to get them to go anywhere.....you have to light a fire under their arse.
    SPONGES: These are female..because they are soft......squeezable and retain water.
    WEB PAGES: Female...because they're constantly being looked at and frequently getting hit on.
    TRAINS: Definitely male... Because they always use the same old lines for picking up people..
    EGG TIMERS: Egg timers are female because....over time...all the weight shifts to the bottom.
    HAMMERS: Male..... Because in the last 5000 years.....they've hardly changed at all...and are occasionally handy to have around.
    THE REMOTE CONTROL: Female. Ha! You probably thought it would be male...but consider this: It easily gives a man pleasure, he'd be lost without it...and while he doesn't always know which buttons to push...he just keeps trying
     
    #49199
  20. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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