1. Log in now to remove adverts - no adverts at all to registered members!

What day of the week is it thread

Discussion in 'Wycombe' started by Guywanderer, Mar 15, 2020.

  1. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    143,850
    Likes Received:
    262,525
    Mrs. Donovan was walking down
    O'Connell Street in Dublin when
    She met up with Father Flaherty.
    The Father said, 'Top o' the mornin'
    To ye! Aren't ye Mrs. Donovan
    And didn't I marry ye and yer
    Hoosband two years ago?'
    She replied, 'Aye, that ye did, Father.'
    The Father asked, 'And be there
    Any wee little ones yet?'
    She replied, 'No, not yet, Father.'
    The Father said, 'Well now,
    I'm going to Rome next week
    And I'll light a fertility candle for ye
    And yer hoosband..'
    She replied, 'Oh, thank ye, Father...'
    They then parted ways..
    Some years later they met again.
    The Father asked, 'Well now,
    Mrs. Donovan, how are ye these days?'
    She replied, 'Oh, very well, Father!'
    The Father asked, 'And tell me,
    Have ye any wee ones yet?'
    She replied, 'Oh yes, Father!
    Two sets of twins and six singles, Ten in all!'
    The Father said, 'That's wonderful!
    And how is yer loving hoosband doing?'
    She replied, HE's gone to Rome
    To blow out yer feckin' candle.
     
    #2461
    Ron and Guywanderer like this.
  2. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    143,850
    Likes Received:
    262,525
    While riding my Harley, I swerved to avoid hitting a deer, lost control and landed in a ditch, severely banging my head.
    Dazed and confused I crawled out of the ditch to the edge of the road when a shiny new convertible pulled up with a very beautiful woman who asked, "Are you okay?
    As I looked up, I noticed she was wearing a low-cut blouse with a cleavage to die for.
    "I'm okay I think." I replied as I pulled myself up to the side of the car to get a closer look.
    She said, "Get in and I'll take you home, so I can clean and bandage that nasty scrape on your head."
    "That's nice of you," I answered, "But I don't think my wife will like me doing that!"
    "Oh, come now, I'm a nurse," she insisted. "I need to see if you have any more scrapes and then treat them properly."
    Well, she was really pretty and very persuasive. Being sort of shaken and weak, I agreed, but repeated, "I'm sure my wife won't like this."
    We arrived at her place which was just few miles away and, after a couple of cold beers and the bandaging, I thanked her and said, "I feel a lot better, but I know my wife is going to be really upset so I'd better go now."
    Don't be silly!" she said with a smile. "Stay for a while. She won't know anything. By the way, where is she?"
    "My guess is that she's still in the ditch."
     
    #2462
    Ron and Guywanderer like this.
  3. Ron

    Ron Well-Known Member
    Forum Moderator

    Joined:
    Jan 25, 2011
    Messages:
    48,324
    Likes Received:
    15,498
  4. Ron

    Ron Well-Known Member
    Forum Moderator

    Joined:
    Jan 25, 2011
    Messages:
    48,324
    Likes Received:
    15,498
    I think it is Sunday. Got up at 5am this morning and went with my wife to watch the big fight at my son's.

    For those who have no interest at all in boxing I will just say it was a battle field and will probably go down in history as the best heavywieght fight ever

    Egg on toast and a cup of tea before returning home - to bed
     
    #2464
    Wooperts_duck likes this.
  5. sensiblegreeny

    sensiblegreeny Well-Known Member
    Forum Moderator

    Joined:
    May 23, 2011
    Messages:
    15,903
    Likes Received:
    2,501
    You didn't say who won Ron. Was it your son or his missus?
     
    #2465
    Ron and Guywanderer like this.
  6. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    143,850
    Likes Received:
    262,525
    please log in to view this image
     
    #2466
    Guywanderer likes this.
  7. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    143,850
    Likes Received:
    262,525
    please log in to view this image
     
    #2467
    Guywanderer likes this.
  8. Guywanderer

    Guywanderer Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Feb 1, 2011
    Messages:
    9,819
    Likes Received:
    5,388
    <laugh><laugh><laugh>
     
    #2468
  9. Guywanderer

    Guywanderer Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Feb 1, 2011
    Messages:
    9,819
    Likes Received:
    5,388
    Here is another chance to watch it
    Fury vs Wilder 3 - Full Fight - YouTube
     
    #2469
    Wooperts_duck likes this.
  10. Ron

    Ron Well-Known Member
    Forum Moderator

    Joined:
    Jan 25, 2011
    Messages:
    48,324
    Likes Received:
    15,498
    I've seen it twice already <laugh>

    Crikey, I wouldn't have thought it would be on Youtube already
    .
     
    #2470
    Wooperts_duck likes this.

  11. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    143,850
    Likes Received:
    262,525
    A couple in their 80's were having problems remembering things, so they decided to the go the doctor for a checkup.
    The doctor tells them that they are physically okay, but they might want to start writing things down to help them remember.
    Later that night, while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair. His wife asks, "Where are you going?" "To the kitchen for a drink," he replies. She asks, " Will you get me piece of cake?"
    The husband says, "Sure." She gently reminds him, "Don't you think you should write it down so you don't forget it?" He says, "No, I can certainly remember that!"
    Then the woman says, "Well, I'd like some strawberries on top. You'd better write it down because I know you'll forget it." The man replies, "I can remember that! You want some cake with strawberries."
    She adds, "I'd also like whipped cream on top. Now I'm certain you're gonna forget that, so you'd better write it down ok." Irritated, he says, "I don't need to write it down woman! I can remember that! Cake with strawberries! And whipped cream!"
    He then grumbles into the kitchen.
    After about 30 minutes the old man returns from the kitchen and hands his wife a plate of bacon and eggs. She stares at the plate for a moment and says, "Where's my toast?
     
    #2471
    Ron likes this.
  12. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    143,850
    Likes Received:
    262,525
    please log in to view this image
     
    #2472
    Guywanderer likes this.
  13. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    143,850
    Likes Received:
    262,525
    My friend was hit by a drum kit the other day.

    The doctor says he has percussion.
     
    #2473
    Guywanderer likes this.
  14. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    143,850
    Likes Received:
    262,525
    please log in to view this image
     
    #2474
    Guywanderer likes this.
  15. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    143,850
    Likes Received:
    262,525
    please log in to view this image
     
    #2475
    Guywanderer likes this.
  16. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    143,850
    Likes Received:
    262,525
    please log in to view this image
     
    #2476
    Guywanderer likes this.
  17. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    143,850
    Likes Received:
    262,525
    A man with a winking problem applies for a position as a traveling salesman and goes in for an interview.
    "Looking at your resume, I can see that you're more than qualified", says the interviewer. "Unfortunately, we can't have our sales reps constantly winking at customers, so we can't hire you", adds the interviewer.
    "But wait", says the man. "If I take two aspirin, I stop winking".
    "Then show me", replies the interviewer.
    So the guy reaches into his pants pocket and pulls out a pile of condoms in all different shapes, sizes, and colors before finally finding a packet of aspirin. He pops the pills and immediately stops winking.
    "It's great. You stopped winking", says the interviewer, "but we can't have our salesmen womanizing all over the country".
    "What do you mean?", asks the man. "I'm happily married".
    "How do you explain all the condoms?" asks the interviewer.
    "Oh, that", sighs the man. "Have you ever walked into a pharmacy, winking, and asked for aspirin?"...
     
    #2477
    Guywanderer and Ron like this.
  18. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    143,850
    Likes Received:
    262,525
    please log in to view this image
     
    #2478
    Guywanderer likes this.
  19. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    143,850
    Likes Received:
    262,525
    please log in to view this image
     
    #2479
    Guywanderer likes this.
  20. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    143,850
    Likes Received:
    262,525
    A cowboy walked into a saloon and ordered a whiskey. When the bartender delivered the drink, the cowboy asked, "Where is everybody?"
    The bartender replied, "They've gone to the hanging."
    "Hanging? Who are they hanging?"
    "Brown Paper Pete," the bartender replied.
    "What kind of a name is that?" the cowboy asked.
    "Well," said the bartender, "he wears a brown paper hat, brown paper shirt, brown paper trousers and brown paper shoes."
    "Weird guy," said the cowboy. "What are they hanging him for?"
    "Rustling," said the bartender.
     
    #2480
    Guywanderer likes this.

Share This Page