If there was a piss-up at No 10 last Christmas it’s very unlikely Boris organised it. Because, well, you know.
A man was in a long line at his local Tesco store. As he got to the check out he realised he had forgotten to get condoms, so he asked the checkout girl if she could have some brought up to the register. She asked, "What size condoms?" The customer replied that he didn't know. She asked him to drop his pants. He did. She reached over the counter, grabbed hold of him and called over the intercom, "One box of large condoms, Checkout 5." The next man in line thought this was interesting, and like most of us, was up for a cheap thrill. When he got up to the check out, he told the girl that he too had forgotten to get condoms, and asked if she could have some brought to the check out for him. She asked him what size, and he stated that he didn't know. She asked him to drop his pants. He did. She gave him a quick feel, picked up the intercom and said, "One box of medium-sized condoms, Checkout 5." A few customers back was this teenage boy. He thought what he had seen was way too cool. He had never had any type of sexual contact with a live female, so he thought this was his chance. When he got to the check out he told the girl he needed some condoms. She asked him what size and he said he didn't know. She asked him to drop his pants and he did. She reached over the counter, gave him a quick squeeze then picked up the intercom and said... "Mop and bucket to Checkout 5
An 83-year-old gent arrived in Paris by plane. As he fumbled in his bag for his passport an obnoxious French immigration officer asked if he had been to France before, he admitted that he had indeed been previously. The officer somewhat typically and sarcastically said that he should have known that he should have his passport ready for presentation at immigration. The gent said “but I didn’t have to show it the last time!” Impossible, replied the French immigration officer, you British have always had to show your passports to enter France. The old man replied "well when I came across the beach on 'D Day‘ in 1944 I couldn’t find any fecking Frenchmen to show it to!"