What day of the week is it thread

Young couple took their two-year-old son to the doctor.
With some hesitation, they explained that, although their little angel appeared to be in good health, they were concerned about his rather small penis.
After examining the child, the doctor confidently declared,
"Just feed him pancakes. That should solve the problem."
The next morning, when the boy arrived at breakfast, there was a large stack of warm pancakes in the middle of the table.
"Gee, mum," he exclaimed. "For me?"
"Just take two," his mother replied.
"The rest are for your father

 

The inventor of throat lozenges has died.

There will be no coffin at his funeral.....

 

I decided to go to the local Mosque for the first time to see what it was all about.
I sat down and the Imam came up to me, laid his hands on my hand and said "By the will of Allah the All Mighty, and the Prophet Muhammad you will walk today".
I told him I was not paralyzed. He came back and laid his hands on me and repeated the same thing.
Again I told him there is nothing wrong with me.
After the prayers I stepped outside and lo and behold, my bloody car was gone.

 

I've been looking on Zoopla and Yourmove.

I'm looking to buy a Lighthouse to live in. Just a simple one - Nothing Flashy

 

Two Irishmen are traveling to Australia.
Before they leave home, one of their dads gives them both a bit of advice: "You watch them Aussie cab drivers. They'll rob you blind.
Don't you go paying them what they ask. You haggle."
At the Sydney airport, the Irishmen catch a cab to their hotel.
When they reach their destination, the cabbie says, "That'll be twenty dollars, lads."
"Oh no you don't! My dad warned me about you. You'll only be getting fifteen dollars from me," says one of the men.
"And you'll only be getting fifteen from me too," adds the other!

 

A man went into a shoe shop in New York and bought some new shoes.
On the way out, a cat went for his feet and bit them!
The man was angry and looked for the cat
Suddenly, a Policeman appeared holding a cat and said...

Pardon me sir, is that the cat that chewed your new shoes!

I'll get my coat !........

 

I have some racing geese for sale.

Let me know if you want a quick gander

 

My boss said he is going to fire the employee with the worst posture.

I have a hunch, it could be me......

 

The Indian restaurant I work for is so secretive I had to sign a legal agreement that I wouldn't share their flatbread recipe.

Just their standard naan disclosure agreement

 

Four friends met in a bar. After a few laughs and drinks, one of them had to go to the rest room.
The ones who stayed behind began to talk about their kids and their successes.
The first guy says: I am very proud of my son, he is my pride and joy. He started working at a very successful company at the bottom of the barrel. He studied Economics and Business Administration soon he was promoted and began to climb the corporate ladder becoming the General Manager and now he is the president of the company. He became so rich that he gave his best friend a top of the line Mercedes Benz for his birthday.

The second guy says: Damn, My son is also my pride and joy, I am very proud of him. He started working at a travelling agency for a very big airline. He went to flight school to become a pilot and also managed to become a partner in the company where he now owns the majority of the assets. He became so rich that he gave his best friend a brand new jet for his birthday.

The third guy says: Well, well, well congratulations!! My son is also my pride and joy and he is also very rich. He studied in the best universities and became an Engineer. He started his own construction company and became very successful and a multimillionaire. He also gave away some thing very nice and expensive to his best friend for his birthday. He built a 30,000 sq ft mansion especially for his friend.
The three friends congratulated each other mutually for the successes of theirs sons. The fourth friend who earlier had gone to the restroom returned and asked: What's going on, what are all the congratulations for? One of the three said: We were talking about the pride we feel for the successes of our sons. And then he asked, What about your son?

The fourth man replied: My son is Gay and he makes a living dancing as a stripper at a nightclub.
The three friends said: What a shame that must be, that is horrible, what a disappointment you must feel. The fourth man replied: No, I am not ashamed at all. He is my son and I love him just as well, he is my pride and joy. And he is very lucky too. Did you know that his birthday just passed and the other day he received a beautiful 30,000 sq ft mansion, a brand new jet and a top of the line Mercedes Benz from his three boyfriends?

 

An enormous amount of people think that Yorkshire tea comes from Yorkshire, like there are tea plantations in the hills above Huddersfield, where it is harvested by men with flat caps and transported to warehouses by teams of trained whippets!