The barnsley joke page

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Three virgin sisters were all getting married within a short time period. Mum was a bit worried about how their sex life would get started and made them all promise to send a postcard from the honeymoon with a few words on their first impressions of marital sex.

The first girl sent a card from Hawaii two days after the wedding. The card said nothing but: "Nescafe". Puzzled at first, Mum went to her kitchen and got out the Nescafe jar. It said: "Great from beginning to end". Mum blushed, but was pleased for her daughter.

The second girl sent the card from the Maldives a week after the wedding, and the card read: "Rothmans". Mum now knew to go straight to her husband's cigarettes to read from the pack: "Super strong King Size". She was again slightly embarrassed but still happy for her daughter.

The third girl departed for her honeymoon in New Zealand. Mum waited for a week, nothing. Another week went by and still nothing. A month passed; still nothing. A card finally arrived from Auckland on which was written with shaky hand, "Air New Zealand ".

Mum took out her latest travel magazine, flipped through the pages fearing the worst, and finally found the ad for Air NZ

'Ten times a day, seven days a week, in all directions.'

 

A Lawyer Named Strange
A lawyer named Strange died, and his friend asked the tombstone maker to inscribe on his tombstone, "Here lies Strange, an honest man, and a lawyer."
The inscriber insisted that such an inscription would be confusing, for passersby would tend to think that three men were buried under the stone. However he suggested an alternative:
He would inscribe, "Here lies a man who was both honest and a lawyer." That way, whenever anyone walked by the tombstone and read it, they would be certain to remark: "That's Strange!"

 

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4 men sit anxiously outside the maternity unit ...
... as they await news on their wives' who are having babies
The English one says, "My first son was born on St George's Day, so I named him George."
The Scotsman added, "My first son was born on St Andrew's Day, and I decided to name him Andrew."
The Welshman said, "My boy was born on St David's Day, and I just had to call him David!"
The Irishman spoke up, "Ah, sure, it was just the same with our Pancake!"

 

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Three ladies are chipping up to the fourth hole at River Hill Golf Club when a naked man wearing a paper bag over his head jumps from the trees and runs across the green.
The three ladies stand in awe at the size of his manhood.
The first lady says, 'He is definitely not my husband.'
The second lady, gazes at his manhood and says, 'He is not mine either.'
After a very considerable inspection, the third lady finally says,
'He's not even a member of this golf club'.

 

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I was driving a bit lively to work this morning when I was stopped by a traffic cop.
He said “You were going a bit fast sir, what would have happened if you had suddenly come across Mister Fog”
Me being me said “I would have trod on Mister Brake of course”
He said “I will repeat the question sir, what would have happened if you had suddenly come across Mist or Fog”

 

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Real Madrid are reportedly interested in signing Spurs full back Destiny Udogie in July.

They asked chairman Daniel Levy, 'How much is Udogie in the window'?

 

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My wife can't remember her password she created yesterday, but remembers what I said, on June 12, 2015 at 1:47PM.

 

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