Off Topic Just for Mr RAWhite

Alcohol doesn't agree with me ... it thinks my wife is attractive

 

Very convenient or an inconvenience

 

Sorry this one's sick

 

And this one is dedicated to everyone flying off on holiday enjoy your break

 

When it comes to sex, my wife and I like different things.
She likes missionary and doggy position. I like my receptionist.

 

A tramp stopped me in the street and asked if I had any loose change.
I jiggled my trouser pocket and said, "It appears that I do."
I thanked him for his interest and walked on

 

Farting
What a Jamaican calls a distant object.

 

The phone rings and my wife answers.
"Hello?"
"Mrs. F, please."
"Speaking."
"Mrs. F, this is Dr. Jones at St. Agnes Laboratory. When your husband's doctor sent his biopsy to the lab last week, a biopsy from another Mr. F arrived as well. We are now uncertain which one belongs to your husband. Frankly, either way the results are not too good."
"What do you mean?" Mrs. F asks nervously.
"Well, one of the specimens tested positive for Alzheimer's and the other one tested positive for HIV. We can't tell which is which."
"That's dreadful! Can you do the test again?" questioned Mrs. F.
"Normally we can, but the new health care system will only pay for one of these expensive tests."
''Well, what am I supposed to do now?"
"The folks at Salford Health recommend that you drop your husband off somewhere in the middle of town. If he finds his way home, don't sleep with him.

 

Tom and Kate were both patients in a mental hospital. One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool Tom suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sunk to the bottom and stayed there.
Kate promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled Tom out.
When the medical director became aware of Kate's heroic act he immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as he now considered her to be mentally stable.
When he went to tell Kate the news he said, "Kate, I have good news and bad news. The good news is you're being discharged because since you were able to jump in and save the life of another patient, I think you've regained your senses.
The bad news is, Tom, the patient you saved, hung himself with his bathrobe belt in the bathroom. I am so sorry, but he's dead."
Kate replied, "He didn't hang himself, I put him there to dry."

 

Is that Kyle Walker with his new lass?

 

The world (Japan) is becoming stranger by the day

 

This must be unique . . . . three sets of twins in the same scene