Off Topic Heres a joke for you all

You'd have to be off your tits to read The Sun now.

 

If The Sun have dropped page 3, then that's the last time I splash out on a copy.

 

Anyway, they have decided not to drop the baps after all. http://news.sky.com/story/1412503/the-sun-puts-topless-woman-back-on-page-3

Oh well it gave us all a couple of crap jokes!

 

Shame on you UTRs (#1175)

 

made me laugh

 

any jokes on here

 

heres one for you bbh

COWBOY BOOTS
> Robert, age 80, always wanted a pair of authentic Texas cowboy boots, > so, seeing some on sale, he bought them and wore them home.
Walking proudly, he sauntered into the kitchen and said to his wife, "Notice anything different about me?" Margaret, age 75, looked him over. "Nope."
> > Frustrated, Robert stormed off into the bathroom, undressed and walked back into the kitchen completely naked except for the boots.
Again he asked Margaret, a little louder this time, "Notice anything different NOW?" Margaret looked up and said in her best deadpan, "Robert, what's different? It's
> hanging down today, it was hanging down yesterday, it'll be hanging > down again tomorrow." Furious, Robert yelled, "AND DO YOU KNOW WHY IT'S > HANGING DOWN, MARGARET?"
> "Nope. Not a clue", she replied. "IT'S HANGING DOWN, BECAUSE IT'S > LOOKING AT MY NEW BOOTS!" Without missing a beat Margaret replied, > "Shoulda bought a hat, Robert! Shoulda
bought a hat."

 

I still dont know whats hanging

 

An old girlfriend of mine once told me that my cock was two inches longer than her ex's....




....and that was why she wasn't going back to being a lesbian.

 

A circus owner runs an ad for a "lion tamer wanted" and two people show up.
One is an old golfer in his seventies, the other a drop-dead gorgeous brunette with a great body in her twenties.
The circus owner tells them, "I'm not going to sugar coat it. This is one ferocious lion.
He ate my last tamer so you two had better be good or you're history.
"Here's your equipment… a chair, a whip and a gun. Who wants to try out first?"

The gorgeous brunette says, "I'll go first."
She walks past the chair, the whip and the gun and steps right into the lion's cage.
The lion gets all heated up, starts to snarl and pant and begins to charge her.
As he gets close, the gorgeous brunette throws open her coat, revealing her beautiful, perfect naked body. The lion stops dead in his tracks, sheepishly crawls up to her and starts licking her feet and ankles. He continues to lick and kiss every inch of her body for several minutes, then lays down and rests his head at her feet

The circus owner's jaw is on the floor!! He says, "That's amazing! I've never seen anything like that in my life!"
Then he turns to the old golfer and asks, "Can you top that?"


The tough old golfer replies… "Possibly... but you've got to get that lion out of there first."

 

i'm searching for the joke thread

 

I think its here somewhere

 

So Andy Townshend has lost his job as a football commentator....







.....he'll be disappointed with that, Clive.

 

I think the Saudis shouldn't look upon it so much as they've lost a King, but more so that they've gained a tea towel.

 

A Dyslexic terrorist has stormed the local Zoo making random demands

He has taken six ostriches.....

 

I'm going to set up my own religion, one where its important to respect other peoples beliefs, learn to take criticism on the chin like an adult, wash regularly, treat women and children as equals and never kill anyone under any circumstances.

Its a non-prophet organisation.

 

My attractive female neighbour is completely paranoid.

She thinks I'm following or even stalking her, she is worried that I may be obsessed with her and any time she hears a noise in her house she is.....purified? Oh, wait: petrified. Sorry, it's not easy reading a diary through binoculars from a tree.

 

Two lesbians are out golfing. They both hit the ball and one goes to the left, the other goes to the right.
The first woman finds her ball in a field of buttercups. She hits a beautiful shot and sends the ball sailing across the green. Unfortunately, she destroys the buttercups.
Suddenly a goddess appears and says, "I am Mother Nature, and I do not like the way you have treated my buttercups. As a consequence, each time you taste butter you will be sickened to the point of total nausea. You will never be able to eat butter again." The goddess then disappears as quickly as she appeared.
Shaken, the woman calls to her partner ,"Hey, did you find your ball?"
The second woman replies "Yes, it's over here in these pussy willows."
The first woman yells "DON'T HIT THE BALL!!! DON'T HIT THE BALL!!!"

 

Whats blue and ****s old people???

Me, and my lucky blue anorak