Off Topic Compare the cheese to no 10 thread

Thats some feed in the executive lounge for breakfast.

 

No wonder it was 12 hours. Only about 170 miles, but down through the mountains so hair-pin after hair-pin and then going through the villages it was speed bump after speed bump. We got there about 7.45 pm and it was dusk. The taxi dropped us off, but it was the wrong place. We found a bar close by and George went to look. He came back pretty quickly having found it was the other side at the place we'd been dropped. I was dragging my suitcase over an uneven, unlit path up to the apartment, the toe of my sandal caught on a rock and I went down I took the fall on my hands, so managed to avoid my knees, but rolled sideways and gave my hip a slight bang. I **** it, but everything was fine, thank ****. We got the luggage in and went for a drink. This was the apartment I've already mentioned ion here. It was absolutely beautiful. 2 huge bedrooms with king size beds separated by a connecting shower room. A fully equipped kitchen and dining area and our own veranda with a palm roof, a massive wrap-around settee and a big coffee table. All the furniture was extremely solid throughout. We got very pissed and stoned that night and listened to music on my daughter's blue tooth speaker. The next day was her birthday and my first trip to the beach.

TBC.

 

No food.

 

exactly... tell me how long were you in there anyway?

 

2.5 hours.

 

In the morning, I took my daughter for a birthday breakfast, and then it was off to the beach. The entrance to the beach was only a 5 minute walk from the apartment, but when you get there, you have to go down 120 steps to actually get there That's bad enough, but imagine coming back up in 37 degree heat.

The beach is lovely. Big waves breaking right onto the beach, which was very steep going into the water and so the water rushed back down after breaking. There was lots of surfing going on and it was my intention to do some body boarding. George explained that the rip was very strong, but that once you were in, it was fine. He wasn't ****ing joking. I walked down to the water's edge and in. The first wave broke and knocked me off my feet. I then tried to get up and it hit me coming back, knocking me over again. I was laughing my tits off, but I genuinely couldn't get up until George and a couple of Mexican blokes gave me a hand. He then had to lead me in, but once there, it was great. Luke warm and crystal clear. Had a good swim and got knocked over again getting out Spent a few more hours on the beach and then back up those ****ing steps. In the evening, we went out for the birthday dinner. They had wanted to go to this smoked fish taco place, but it's closed on a Sunday, so we ended up going for a pizza, which was delicious and I don't even like pizza usually.

That night, there was an amazing storm which came in straight off the ocean. Separate parts of the sky were lighting up like in Close Encounters and the thunder was deafening. The other two went to bed. There was a bar next door which we never went to. There was a Cheese-style kick off that night. A bloke and a woman screaming at each other for about half an hour and then two police cars pulled up with lights flashing, but no sirens.

The following day, we packed up, went for a few Victorias and then got a cab to Mazunte. Just short of an hour and a distance of 45 miles and the taxi cost £12

TBC

 

Mazunte is a magical place. We got there, and as usual, George went to try and find the place. My daughter had a smoothie and I had one of those cocktail things I can't remember the name of - rum, lime and **** knows what else, but very refreshing. A litre of it George found it and had the key. It was a pretty steep, uneven path up into the forest and then some steps up the side of a house. Ours was at the top. We were in a ****ing tree house My bedroom was on the bottom floor and was totally open to the elements bar the palm and rattan roof and a large rectangular window covered with mosquito netting - no glass. Again, it was a shower room and a cooking and dining area. Their bedroom was on a mezzanine above me with a ladder up. The floor was tiled. There was also a hammock in the middle of the room. It was ****ing stunning. It had been decided, based on people they had spoken to who had been, that the mushroom village was too inaccessible for me, so we extended our stay in Mazunte for another two nights - 5 in total.

On the first afternoon, we went to what became my favourite cafe, which had a waiter called Martin. My daughter wanted an ice cream and George wanted a coconut, so they strolled off leaving me drinking Victoria and Mescal. They came back half an hour later. George had his coconut, but had also bought an ounce of weed for £12 off the same guy. We set off down to the beach and this oldish Mexican guy stopped us and asked if we wanted to swim with dolphins the following morning. We asked how much, and it was £12 each for 2.75 hours and including face mask and snorkel use. We told him where we were staying (La Secreta) and he arranged to meet us at the bottom of our path at 7.45 am. Despite using deet, I got bitten to **** that night

The following morning was beautiful. High 20s even at that time in the morning. The guy was waiting at the bottom of our path and we wandered down to the beach, where he collected up the other people who were going, including an older Mexican lady (probably early 50s) called Eloisa, who befriended us. She was very fit as she had been a snorkeling instructor at Cancun and Puerto Escondido. They laid some plastic tubing down the beach and we all had to help his guys to push the boat into the water. Then we all got on 13 in total including the man on the outboard. On the way out to the dolphins, we passed lots of sea turtles, including two making love very gently in the open ocean. We also went to a rock that was a bird colony and was white with bird **** We then started spotting the odd dolphin and the numbers gradually increased until there were 30 or 40 of them criss-crossing the boat and going underneath it.

TBC.

 

Finally getting to the dolphin rape scene.

 

He's set it up nicely with the gently love making sea turtles

 

Were they called Hi-Vis Hernando and Coquita?

 

"As I was climbing into the water, aroused from watching the turtles hump, I felt a Dolphin force himself on me from behind, at first it was painful, but then I started to enjoy it. I dropped my hold on the ladder and the Dolphin smashed me into it, injuring me.

 

... I felt the dolphin press his fleshy, grey belly against my back, my own belly now wedged against the detached ladder. The flippers caressed my face which was reddened from the fresh Mexican sunburn and years of alcohol abuse. Suddenly and expertly the limber flukes whipped my swimming shorts off. I watched them resurface several metres away, the little cartoon desert islands of their fabric prominent against the ocean's continuous blue. The other dolphins slowly encircled us cutting off any route from the ladder to the fast receding boat. They splashed the water with their flippers and clicked as if urging him on in an old cetaceous ritual. The splashing, the clicking, splashing and clicking, growing more intense and agitated as they sensed the nearness of the softly brutal act about to be wreaked beneath the swell on my sallow, expectant body.

 

#lifestory

 

How the **** did you know?

 

Still TBC <laugh?

 

At this stage, the local on the outboard told everyone to get in, which we did. Most of the dolphins ****ed off, leaving 4 or 5 swimming close by. I didn't actually touch one, but it was incredible being in the water with them and actually hearing them communicate so close by.

We had about 10 mins in the water and then it was back on the boat. They dropped a rusty iron ladder over the side and as I was climbing up, I caught my shin on it and cut it quite badly. Rusty ladder and no tetanus booster did worry me somewhat, but I just kept splashing sea water on it. Eloisa was concerned as well and said she could get something when we got off the boat. We started returning to the shore and it was all of to swim in to lighten the boat to get it onto the beach. Eloisa got me to stay on, because of my shin, along with a very fat yank bird who'd lost a contact lens. The guy took the boat further out and hen turned it towards the beach, where the plastic tubes had been laid out again. He then ****ing gunned it right at the beach. I was sitting on the floor with my back against the seating area facing out to sea. I put my hands behind my back to cushion it. No idea how fast we were going when we hit the beach, but it was a ****ing scream We got some stuff from the chemist in the end and it's healed up fine. No lockjaw

The next few days were spent on the beach and in various bars/cafes. The only real **** up we made was leaving Mazunte a day early by accident. However, the night before, there was another tropical storm which was one of the most incredible things I've seen. The whole forest was lit up with lightning and the wind was ferocious. I was a bit worried that the roof was coming off at one stage, but it remained intact. The floor in the living room was pretty wet in the morning, though We were on the coach back to Oaxaca City (where my last night was booked) when George realised we still had one more night left in Mazunte. However, it was too late by then. We got back to the city and contacted the place we were staying the following night, but it wasn't available. We ended up in a hostel where they'd stayed before. It was a 4 bed dorm (2 bunk beds). The other lower bunk was already occupied, we knew not by whom, so I was faced with the prospect of sleeping in my shorts and t shirt that night. My daughter and George knew several of the people there from the first time they'd stayed there. They were a decent bunch (I actually wasn't quite the oldest there ) and there was a central smoking atrium where weed was totally acceptable. It was actually Mexican Independence Day that day, so there were pretty wild celebrations and plenty of fireworks.

Next day we went to the gaff we were originally booked into for the last night, which was also great. Found this one first time. We went into the city during the day, but it pissed down all afternoon, so we just sat drank and ate. Took some beers back to the apartment and prepared to leave the following day. 8 hour coach trip back to Mexico, taxi to the airport and I left them there to go and check in. I have to admit to having a tear in my eye as I walked away. Check in was simple and security straightforward. Got some fags in duty free and headed for the bar. No ****ing smoking area Massive tail wind across the Atlantic ( doing just short of 700 mph and one point) and got to Schipol almost an hour early. Found what gate my connecting flight was from and made my way there. I spotted the gate, so I knew where it was. I love Schipol. All the signs are in English. I looked up and there was a sign for 'smoking area', right next to the Heineken Bar Three pints and a good few fags and then boarded the flight back. Got back 20 minutes early and I heard a text notification. When I got outside, it was a message from Scots Gary saying he couldn't pick me up, so ended up getting a taxi back So that was it.

Wonderful holiday with my daughter. Beautiful country populated by lovely people (bar the ****ing coppers and cartels). Great cost of living and warm all year round at the coast. If I had the money, I'd live there. It wouldn't have been possible without Mr Sanger and his excellent team at Halton hospital.

 

Well I'm glad you had a great time.

 

When are you ****ing off then

 

Thanks MITO. Sorry there wasn't more typically RHC stuff in there. I did have a great time, but that had a lot to do with seeing my daughter again for the first time in 8 months. She couldn't believe I was walking without crutches

 

Mexico will never be the same.