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JACK-ANORY FOR A FUNNY STORY - Joke Thread & Comedy Club

Discussion in 'Swansea City' started by swimaway, Jun 18, 2011.

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  1. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #4801
    Wooperts_duck, May 17, 2019
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  2. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #4802
    Wooperts_duck, May 17, 2019
    Makemstine Roger, Taffvalerowdy, daimungeezer and 1 other person like this.
  3. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #4803
    Wooperts_duck, May 17, 2019
    Makemstine Roger, HuggyBear, Taffvalerowdy and 1 other person like this.
  4. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #4804
    Wooperts_duck, May 17, 2019
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  5. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #4805
    Wooperts_duck, May 17, 2019
    Makemstine Roger, Taffvalerowdy, daimungeezer and 1 other person like this.
  6. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #4806
    Wooperts_duck, May 17, 2019
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  7. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    All ready for their forthcoming tour.......

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    #4807
    Wooperts_duck, May 18, 2019
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  8. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #4808
    Wooperts_duck, May 18, 2019
    Makemstine Roger, Taffvalerowdy and daimungeezer like this.
  9. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    An undercover cop called at my farm...
    “I need to inspect your farm for illegally grown drugs”, he said.

    “By all means officer, just don’t go in that field over there”, I replied.

    The cop exploded, saying “Do you know who the f*ck I am?! I have the authority of the government with me!”, he shouted before pulling a badge out of his back pocket, “Do you see this f*cking badge?! This badge means I can do what I want and I’ll go wherever the f*ck I want, have I made myself clear?!”

    I nodded politely, apologized, and went about my chores. A short while later, I hear loud screams, looked up and saw the cop running for his life being chased by my angry bull. With each step, the bull was gaining ground and he seemed sure to be gored before he reached safety. The officer looked terrified and continued to run for his life.

    I threw down my tools, immediately ran to the edge of the fence and shouted at the top of my lungs,

    “Your badge, show him your f*cking badge!”
     
    #4809
    Wooperts_duck, May 18, 2019
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  10. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #4810
    Wooperts_duck, May 18, 2019
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  11. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #4811
    Wooperts_duck, May 18, 2019
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  12. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #4812
    Wooperts_duck, May 19, 2019
    Makemstine Roger, daimungeezer, neveroffsidereff and 1 other person like this.
  13. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    A Cornish farmer who wants a divorce goes to see a lawyer. The farmer says "Oi wants to get wan of them dayvorces" Lawyer..."Do you have grounds? Farmer... "Yes, I gots me 40 acres" Lawyer "No, you dont understand, do you have a suit?" Farmer..."Yes, oi wears it to church on
    Sundays" Lawyer..."No, I mean do you have a grudge? Farmer..."Yes, that's where I park the tractor" Lawyer..."Does your wife beat you up?" Farmer..."No, we both get up at 5.30" Lawyer gets annoyed & tries one last question..."Is your wife a nagger?...

    "No, she's white, but the baby's a nagger, that's why I wants a f*ckin dayvorce!!
     
    #4813
    Wooperts_duck, May 19, 2019
    Makemstine Roger likes this.
  14. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #4814
    Wooperts_duck, May 19, 2019
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  15. Taffvalerowdy

    Taffvalerowdy Well-Known Member

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    Can we have another Eurovision please?

    We don’t like the result <laugh>
     
    #4815
    Taffvalerowdy, May 19, 2019
    Makemstine Roger, kiwiqpr, Wooperts_duck and 3 others like this.
  16. swantastic

    swantastic Well-Known Member

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    My wife said I should get in touch with my feminine side,
    so I crashed the car, burnt the dinner & sulked all day for no reason.

    She hinted she wanted something black & lacy for her birthday, so I bought her some football boots.

    After my wife died, I couldn't look at another woman for ten years, but I'm out of prison now.

    My wife apologised for the first time ever today, she said she was sorry she ever married me.
     
    #4816
    swantastic, May 20, 2019
    Makemstine Roger, Wooperts_duck and daimungeezer like this.
  17. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    • A black guy gets invited to a fancy dress party.
    • Needing an outfit, he goes to a costume shop.
    • He asks a female assistant for help."I need a costume for a party, please."
    • "Okay, sir, how about this?" says the assistant, presenting the black man with a Father Christmas suit
    • "Don"t be stupid, I"m not going as a black Santa!" replies the black man.
    • "Okay, well how about this one then?"
    • She shows the black man a fluffy white snowman costume.
    • "No! I"m not going as snowman either! I"m black! Don"t you understand?" shouts the rather annoyed black man.
    • "Fine!" says the assistant as she hands the black man a plank of wood.
    • "What the fcuk am I supposed to do with this?" he asks.
    • "Stick it up your ar*e and go as a choc ice!"
     
    #4817
    Wooperts_duck, May 20, 2019
    Makemstine Roger likes this.
  18. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #4818
    Wooperts_duck, May 20, 2019
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  19. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    I saw this advert in a window that said: “Television for sale, £1, volume stuck on full.”

    I thought, “I can’t turn that down.”
     
    #4819
    Wooperts_duck, May 21, 2019
    Makemstine Roger, daimungeezer and Taffvalerowdy like this.
  20. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #4820
    Wooperts_duck, May 21, 2019
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