We were there for that match the opening of Friends Arena. He was **** first half before that lucky shot woke him up......I'm not bitter mind.
A balding, white haired old man walked into a jeweler store with a beautiful and much younger woman at his side. He told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend. The jeweler looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000 ring. The man said, 'No, I'd like to see something more special.' The jeweler then went to his special stock and brought another ring over. 'Here's a stunning ring at only $40,000 the jeweler said. The lady's eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with excitement. The old man seeing this said, 'We'll take it.' The jeweler asked how payment would be made and the man stated, 'by check. I know you need to make sure my check is good, so I'll write it now and you can call the bank Monday to verify the funds and I'll pick the ring up Monday afternoon.' On Monday morning, the jeweler angrily phoned the old man and said 'There's no money in that account.' 'I know,' said the old man, 'But let me tell you about MY GREAT WEEKEND!'
Got a porn film the other day, I put it in the DVD player but it was just a dark blurry picture of some fat bloke holding his cock. Then I realised I hadn't switched the TV on!
My wife banged on the toilet door & said "Hurry up I need a ****" "**** off," I shouted "I'm trying to have a **** in here" "So that's more important than diarrhoea" she screamed. I yelled through the door " I'm just about to come for **** sake, just wait a few moments will you" What an impatient, big mouthed gobshite she is. God knows what everyone on the plane must have thought.