Off Topic Jokes thread

I took on a new painter & decorator the other day. We were having a chat and he told me he is a furloughed Virgin Atlantic pilot !

He made a lovely job of the landing .

 

please log in to view this image

 

please log in to view this image

 

please log in to view this image

 

please log in to view this image

 

Mr Singh walks into a bank London and asks for the loan officer. He says he's going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow £5000. The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for the loan, so Mr Singh hands over the keys to a new Rolls Royce, which costs quarter of a million pounds.
“The car is parked on the street in front of the bank,” says Mr Singh, “and I have all the necessary papers.”
The bank officer agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan. After Mr Singh leaves, the loan officer, the bank's president and all their colleagues enjoy a good laugh at the man for using a £250,000 Rolls Royce as collateral against a £5,000 loan.
One of the employees drives the Rolls into the bank's underground garage and parks it there. Two weeks later, Mr Singh returns, repays the £5000 and the interest, which comes to £15.41.
The loan officer says, "Sir, I must tell you, we’re all a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and discovered that you’re a multimillionaire. Why would you bother to borrow £5,000?"
The man replies, "Where else in London can I park my car for two weeks for only £15.41?"

 

The Moody Blues are doing a brief tour of Wales..........4 nights in Prestatyn, but never reaching Bridgend.....

 

Said to my mate I saw this couple having sex on the common.

He said Clapham, I said no they didn't need any encouragement.....

 

please log in to view this image