Nice touch from Stephen Colbert on the White House exodus: "I have never found a Moving Truck.................so moving!" The President Is Slithering Off To Mar-A-Lago But The MAGA Menace Isn't Going Away - YouTube
A very pretty young speech therapist was getting nowhere with her stammerer's action group, with an Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman. She had tried every technique in the book without the slightest success. Finally, thoroughly exasperated, she said "If any of you can tell me the name of the town where you were born, without stuttering, I will have wild and passionate sex with you until your muscles ache and your eyes water. So, who wants to go first?" The Englishman piped up. "B-b-b-b-b-b-b-irmingham", he said. "That's no use, George," said the speech therapist, "who's next?" The Scotsman raised his hand and blurted out "P-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-aisley". “That's no better. There'll be no sex for you, I'm afraid, Hamish. How about you, Paddy?” The Irishman took a deep breath and eventually blurted out "London". “Brilliant, Paddy!” said the speech therapist and immediately set about living up to her promise. After 15 minutes of exceptionally steamy sex, the couple paused for breath and Paddy said.."-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-erry...".
'Semi-naked Chinese female spy is caught hiding in a wardrobe at Navy base in Somerset where she had been staying with her aircraft technician lover for TWO WEEKS' I was talking to a colleague this morning who has a friend in the navy, based at Yeovilton. He had been texted by his friend about how one of his mates had smuggled his girlfriend onto the base over New Year. It seems like news got out. I guess that is one way to have Chinese every night. I wonder if the guy got fined for breaking Covid restrictions.
The founder of the Dulux Company, Mr Matt Finish, was found dead on a mountain top yesterday. A police spokesman said he could have done with another coat.
That adds a bit of spirit to your gloss, Oddy. If I haven’t primed you enough, I can always have you sanded down.
Old Chinese proverb (especially for mathematicians and tipsters)... Man who goes to bed with stiff problem wakes up with solution in hand.
On Valentine's day my missus asked me if I loved her or football more? I said, "Open your legs and let me show you". And then I nutmegged her.
Hadn't heard this one before, so acknowledgements to Rachel Brock: Woman takes her sick husband to the hospital. Doctor comes our of the ER tells her "I don't like the look of your husband." She said "I don't either but he works hard and he's good with the children.