Newcastle City Council to have Mike Ashley assassinated...

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-tyne-16656754

After requesting that "stupid fat prick" Mike Ashley should revert back to calling Newcastle United's stadium St James' Park, the local council have taken the step to pay for his assassination.

This step was revealed last night after "sycophantic arse-licker" Derek Llambias completely refused to comment on the news that both he and Mike Ashley had been asked to scrap the "completely gay" name of The Sports Direct Arena.

"No news is a sure sign that they will refuse to back down" said a council insider last night.

"They think they can just piss on everyones corn flakes because the team has won a few games" said the source.

"We at the council flatly refuse to change the local signs outside the ground and around the city - it's always been St James' Park and it always will be". they continued.

"After asking the muppets on the Newcastle United board to reverse this terrible decision, they have simply ignored us like we're worthless - hence we have hired the best killers from around 'Yewrope' to finally get rid of these sickly parasites".

Anyone on here fancy working for the council short-term?

 

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Assassination

 

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-tyne-15672447

Fans reaction.

 

"Time is the compass with which we plot our existance, but what happens if the plot thickens? Will there be a compelling twist? Warping time sounds like such a twisted concept, perhaps the plot will thin?" - Monsouir Beasley

 

How the **** can you thicken time?

What sort of bullshit is that?

Idiot, that Beasley.

 

1. EQUIPMENT: 23cm loose-bottomed tin, baking parchment, plastic food bag, rolling pin, large bowl, dessert spoon, chopping board, kitchen knife, electric mixer, spatula, serving plate, blender or food processor, sieve
2. Make the base: Butter and line a 23cm loose-bottomed tin with baking parchment. Put the biscuits in a plastic food bag and crush to crumbs using a rolling pin. Transfer the crumbs to a bowl, then pour over the melted butter. Mix thoroughly until the crumbs are completely coated. Tip them into the prepared tin and press firmly down into the base to create an even layer. Chill in the fridge for 1 hr to set firmly.
3. Remove the vanilla seeds: Slice the vanilla pod in half lengthways, leaving the tip intact, so that the two halves are still joined. Holding onto the tip of the pod, scrape out the seeds using the back of a kitchen knife.
4. Make the filling: Place the soft cheese, icing sugar and vanilla seeds in a bowl, then beat with an electric mixer until smooth. Tip in the cream and continue beating until the mixture is completely combined. Now spoon the cream mixture onto the biscuit base, working from the edges inwards and making sure that there are no air bubbles. Smooth the top of the cheesecake down with the back of a dessert spoon or spatula. Leave to set in the fridge overnight.
5. Un-moulding and topping: Bring the cheesecake to room temperature, about 30 mins before serving. To un-mould, place the base on top of a can, then gradually pull the sides of the tin down. Slip the cake onto a serving plate, removing the lining paper and base. Purée half the strawberries in a blender or food processor with 25g icing sugar and 1 tsp water, then sieve. Pile the remaining strawberries onto the cake, then pour over purée.

 

Too much hate will destroy you from the inside out.

 

I understood the comment and understood the irony. But point stands.

Meaning of sadness?

Well, if being overly opinionated means being disrespectful and showing a lack of self respect then yeah, you've got your freedom of speech. But just cause you can say whatever you want doesn't mean you should. Just pitiful in my eyes, you. And doing whatever you want just to try and cause a stur is a bit sad in my opinion. Wise up, grow up, **** off.

Night.

 

i think its great how the council wont change there signs it would cost them a fortune ,ashley can turn it back easy . they has to be something they can do about this disaster

 

From the 'man' deeply upset by people on the internet?

...nah, you're really not getting the irony at all!

 

Ive offered my services and I am hoping they accept my letter of tender.

 

<shameless bump> ...I think this thread is very funny - not surprising really considering I wrote it.

Reply.

"Do it, Do it"

 

Anyone on here fancy working for the council short-term?

What's the pay like?

 

Sterling.