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Off Topic Lighten Up - have a laugh: Warning, may contain Adult Material

Discussion in 'Horse Racing' started by Ron, Oct 31, 2011.

Page 65 of 78
  1. SaveTheHumans

    SaveTheHumans Well-Known Member

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    Leo Varadkar, Boris Johnson, Donald Trump, Pope Francis and Mary, a Ten year old Irish school girl were on a plane with just 4 parachutes. The plane was about to go down, and, as they were short one parcahcute they decided Leo should go first when he said, "I need to sort out the corona virus in Ireland, I need one". And off he went. Boris was next and said, "I'm the smartest man in England, I simply cannot die, I have to survive", and out he jumped with the parachute. Next was Trump and he said, "I need to make America great again and sort out this corona virus", so out he jumped. One parachute left, Pope Francis said, "little Mary, you take it. I have lived a good life, you are young, your whole life is ahead of you, take it". Mary replied... "it's OK Francis, there's two parachutes left, the smartest man in England took my schoolbag".
     
    #1281
    SaveTheHumans, Mar 17, 2020
    SwanHills, karlos5001, Cyclonic and 2 others like this.
  2. smokethedeadbadger

    smokethedeadbadger Well-Known Member

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    Very funny. I don't know who Leo Varadkar is but otherwise very good. I'm going to steal that one from you
     
    #1282
    smokethedeadbadger, Mar 17, 2020
  3. OddDog

    OddDog Mild mannered janitor
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    They call him “tea cloth” - I guess because he does the washing up <ok>
     
    #1283
    OddDog, Mar 17, 2020
  4. SaveTheHumans

    SaveTheHumans Well-Known Member

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    Leo is our outgoing leader currently, while they spend half a year trying to form a new government.

    It would be pronounced more along the lines of Tea Shock Oddy. Taoiseach to us.
     
    #1284
    Last edited: Mar 17, 2020
    SaveTheHumans, Mar 17, 2020
  5. Ron

    Ron Well-Known Member
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    <laugh>
     
    #1285
    Ron, Mar 17, 2020
  6. Resurgam

    Resurgam Top Analyst
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    upload_2020-3-20_10-8-27.jpeg
     
    #1286
    Resurgam, Mar 20, 2020
    redcgull likes this.
  7. smokethedeadbadger

    smokethedeadbadger Well-Known Member

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    #1287
    smokethedeadbadger, Mar 21, 2020
  8. OddDog

    OddDog Mild mannered janitor
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    #1288
    OddDog, Mar 21, 2020
    smokethedeadbadger likes this.
  9. Cyclonic

    Cyclonic Well Hung Member

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    John Cadogan on Jeeps. <laugh>

     
    #1289
    Cyclonic, Mar 21, 2020
  10. Ste D

    Ste D Well-Known Member

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    #1290
    Ste D, Mar 21, 2020
    SwanHills, Cyclonic and karlos5001 like this.

  11. Chaninbar

    Chaninbar The Crafty Cockney

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    Prince Charles is isolating at Balmoral with Covid-19
    Prince Andrew is isolating at Windsor with Jennifer-14
     
    #1291
    Chaninbar, Mar 25, 2020
    Tamerlo likes this.
  12. Chaninbar

    Chaninbar The Crafty Cockney

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    Last night I gave the missus a nurses uniform and asked her to put it on. She got very excited and asked me what I was going to do to her. I told I was driving her to Asda so she could get me a loaf of bread and some bog roll.
     
    #1292
    Chaninbar, Mar 26, 2020
    QuarterMoonII likes this.
  13. QuarterMoonII

    QuarterMoonII Economist

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    The Ebay advert...

    “Ninety-four seconds”

    Does that include the foreplay? Or did he have trouble with his flies?
    And it happened twice...
     
    #1293
    QuarterMoonII, Mar 30, 2020
  14. OddDog

    OddDog Mild mannered janitor
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    Grandma Sandy - legend <laugh>

     
    #1294
    OddDog, Mar 30, 2020
    karlos5001 likes this.
  15. OddDog

    OddDog Mild mannered janitor
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    Bill Clinton and Tiger Woods are at a charity event together. At one point they find themselves stood next to each other at the urinal answering nature's call. Bill happens to glance down at Tiger's member and exclaims "Goodness Tiger, how do you manage to keep the old boy so thick and strong?" to which Tiger replies "Well Bill, every night before I get into bed I slap it 3 times against the bedpost. Been doing it for years and it keeps him big and strong".

    Well the evening dragged on a little, and by the time Bill got home, Hilary was tucked up in bed fast asleep. Bill creeps into the bedroom, gets undressed and is about to slip into bed when he remembers Tiger's advice.

    He slaps his member against the bedpost 3 times.

    Hilary shoots up and exclaims "Is that you Tiger?"
     
    #1295
    OddDog, Mar 30, 2020
    Reebok and karlos5001 like this.
  16. QuarterMoonII

    QuarterMoonII Economist

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    Well done to Matt on winning the Press Awards ‘Cartoonist of the Year’
    please log in to view this image

    ​
     
    #1296
    QuarterMoonII, Apr 3, 2020
  17. mallafets123

    mallafets123 Well-Known Member

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    Bill Withers is no longer Withers as Alan Partridge would probably say.
     
    #1297
    mallafets123, Apr 3, 2020
    Ron and karlos5001 like this.
  18. Reebok

    Reebok YTS Mod
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    Autocorrect is a bastard ! Just text my mate asking if he wanted to to go for a w a n k down by the river
    .
    .
    .
    .


    I meant the canal <laugh>
     
    #1298
    Reebok, Apr 8, 2020
    Dancingbraveforever, Chaninbar, Ron and 2 others like this.
  19. Reebok

    Reebok YTS Mod
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    please log in to view this image
     
    #1299
    Reebok, Apr 10, 2020
  20. OddDog

    OddDog Mild mannered janitor
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    „Take me up the back door you dirty commie ****er“?

    Just a guess like, no idea really
     
    #1300
    OddDog, Apr 10, 2020
    redcgull and Reebok like this.
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