A circus owner runs an ad for a "lion tamer wanted" and two people show up. One is an old golfer in his seventies, the other a drop-dead gorgeous brunette with a great body in her twenties. The circus owner tells them, "I'm not going to sugar coat it. This is one ferocious lion. He ate my last tamer so you two had better be good or you're history. "Here's your equipment… a chair, a whip and a gun. Who wants to try out first?" The gorgeous brunette says, "I'll go first." She walks past the chair, the whip and the gun and steps right into the lion's cage. The lion gets all heated up, starts to snarl and pant and begins to charge her. As he gets close, the gorgeous brunette throws open her coat, revealing her beautiful, perfect naked body. The lion stops dead in his tracks, sheepishly crawls up to her and starts licking her feet and ankles. He continues to lick and kiss every inch of her body for several minutes, then lays down and rests his head at her feet The circus owner's jaw is on the floor!! He says, "That's amazing! I've never seen anything like that in my life!" Then he turns to the old golfer and asks, "Can you top that?" The tough old golfer replies… "Possibly... but you've got to get that lion out of there first."
Man United Funny Jokes A Man United fan dies on match day and goes to heaven in his Manchester United shirt. He knocks on the old pearly gates and out walks St. Peter in a Arsenal scarf. "Hello mate," says St. Peter, "I'm sorry, no Man Utd fans in heaven." "What?" Exclaims the man, astonished. "You heard, no Man United fans." "But, but, but, I've been a good man," replies the Manchester Utd supporter. "Oh really," says St. Peter. "What have you done, then?" "Well," said the guy, "Three weeks before I died, I gave 10 pounds to the starving children in Africa." "Oh," says St. Peter. "Anything else?" "Well, two weeks before I died I also gave 10 pounds to the homeless." "Hmmm. Anything else?" "Yeah. A week before I died I gave 10 pounds to the Albanian orphans." "Okay," said St. Peter, "You wait here a minute while I have a word with the governor." Ten minutes pass before St. Peter returns. He looks the bloke in the eye and says, "I've had a word with God and he agrees with me. Here's your thirty quid back, now screw off."
