Off Topic - Short jokes

Just looked out of the window and there's a couple of dogs shagging on the pavement.
I said to the missus " do you fancy a bit of that "
She replied " yes.....but can we go somewhere where nobody knows us "

 

Yesterday I was horrified to find out that my son has been taking drugs.

I gave him a good clip round the ear and told him that he has a week to replace them.

 

A Muslim walked into my Adult Learning Centre this morning.

"Hello there." I said to him. "You need help with your reading, don't you?"

"Yes, yes I do." He said. "How could you tell?"

"Because the sign on the door says No Pakis."

 

I accidentally sent a picture of my dick to everyone in my address book today.

Not only was it really embarrassing, it cost me a fortune in stamps.

 

Two interesting facts about me.

1) My knob is the same length as 2 Argos pens.

2) I'm banned from Argos.

 

Here is a joke.

Sunderland and Newcastle #kidda #northernmongrels

 

Very Poor!

please log in to view this image

 

I suppose mine was more fact that fiction

 

No, it was just ****

 

The bloke that wrote the Hokey Cokey died
They could not get him in his coffin
It started when they tried to put his left leg in

 

Two parrots standing on a perch and one says " can you smell fish?"

 

Adam said to Eve "You'd better stand back I don't know how big this is going to get "

 

what's the definition of relative humidity?
The sweat on your balls when you're giving it to your sister.


(just for JPF that one).