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The barnsley joke page

Discussion in 'Barnsley' started by kiwiqpr, Mar 25, 2014.

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  1. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    The missus asked if she pleased me in bed?
    I said "yes, I love that trick you do with your mouth." . . .
    "What trick?" she asked?
    "The one where you shut up and go to sleep!"
     
    #2141
    Wooperts_duck, Aug 14, 2017
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  2. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    Sky news report.
    The Irish have joined in the attack on Libya .
    They sent in 3 ships - 2 full of sand, and one full of cement..
    it was a mortar attack.
     
    #2142
    Wooperts_duck, Aug 14, 2017
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  3. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    Wife says to husband "you only ever want sex when you're drunk.

    Husband says "that's not true....... sometimes I want a kebab"
     
    #2143
    Wooperts_duck, Aug 14, 2017
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  4. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    please log in to view this image
     
    #2144
    Wooperts_duck, Aug 14, 2017
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  5. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    I went out on the piss last night and pulled a georgeous bird.
    We made love several times before falling asleep in each others arms.
    When I woke up though I had the shock of my life.
    She had put on 5 stone during the night.
     
    #2145
    Wooperts_duck, Aug 14, 2017
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  6. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    My doctor told me to have 5 a day.

    My arm is f*cking killing me.
     
    #2146
    Wooperts_duck, Aug 14, 2017
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  7. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #2147
    Wooperts_duck, Aug 14, 2017
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  8. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #2148
    Wooperts_duck, Aug 14, 2017
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  9. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #2149
    Wooperts_duck, Aug 14, 2017
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  10. San Diego

    San Diego Sir Mediator
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    My friend thinks he is smart.
    He told me an onion is the only food that makes you cry, so I threw a coconut at his face.
     
    #2150
    San Diego, Aug 16, 2017
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  11. San Diego

    San Diego Sir Mediator
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    Q: Is Google male or female?
    A: Female, because it doesn't let you finish a sentence before making a suggestion.
     
    #2151
    San Diego, Aug 16, 2017
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  12. San Diego

    San Diego Sir Mediator
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    A family is at the dinner table. The son asks the father, “Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there?” The father, surprised, answers, “Well, son, a woman goes through three phases. In her 20s, a woman’s breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her 30s and 40s, they are like pears, still nice, hanging a bit. After 50, they are like onions.” “Onions?” the son asks. “Yes. You see them and they make you cry.”

    This infuriated his wife and daughter. The daughter asks, “Mom, how many different kinds of willies are there?” The mother smiles and says, “Well, dear, a man goes through three phases also. In his 20s, his willy is like an oak tree, mighty and hard. In his 30s and 40s, it’s like a birch, flexible but reliable. After his 50s, it’s like a Christmas tree.” “A Christmas tree?” the daughter asks. “Yes, dead from the root up and the balls are just for decoration.”
     
    #2152
    San Diego, Aug 16, 2017
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  13. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    Nice one SD!! <cheers>
     
    #2153
    Wooperts_duck, Aug 17, 2017
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  14. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #2154
    Wooperts_duck, Aug 17, 2017
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  15. Wooperts_duck

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    #2155
    Wooperts_duck, Aug 17, 2017
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  16. Wooperts_duck

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    #2156
    Wooperts_duck, Aug 17, 2017
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  17. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    Rochdale?......

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    #2157
    Wooperts_duck, Aug 17, 2017
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  18. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    Manchester City fans preparing for their first home game of the season.

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    #2158
    Wooperts_duck, Aug 17, 2017
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  19. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    My appointment for Job Seekers Allowance is at 10am every other Wednesday and I'm there promptly at 9.55am, yet I'm still kept waiting until 10.30 to sign on. It's a disgrace.

    Don't they know some of us have got f*cking jobs to go to?
     
    #2159
    Wooperts_duck, Aug 17, 2017
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  20. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    If Liverpool get another stamp on their Southampton Loyalty Card they qualify for a free Shane Long.
     
    #2160
    Wooperts_duck, Aug 17, 2017
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: this kiwi dont eat worms, kiwi never sleeps, kiwi was here, LIKE KIWI, kiwis watching you lot, kiwi farts a lot

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