The John Carver Post Relegation Press Conference Thread

****ing useless mackem bastards....couldn't even get beat off Arsenal. This is how it's gonna go down at the weekend.

We will win (yes I did actually say that), but by the narrowest of margins, lets face it we don't do things easily now do we.

However Hull will battle out a draw with ManYoo sending us plummeting into the Fizzy Pop league - and rightly deserved as well.

So how is the hooked nose goblin arse tickler gonna respond in his post match press conference - assuming the horrible little spineless twat shows up of course? There will no doubt be countless media interviews post relegation so just what quality little pearls of wisdom is he gonna come out with ?

I'm gonna go with something along the lines of :-

Of course I'm hurting, I'm a Geordie first and foremost, I'm also a fan and have had the privilege to manage this fantastic club. I couldn't have asked of any more from my players today but credit to Hull they battled it out and got the point they needed.
I'll sit down with the owner over the next couple of days before I go off on holiday and we'll see where we end up and go from there. I'd like to think that I've done enough to have earned the right to get us straight back up at the first time of asking - nobody is more passionate about this club than me which is a difficult trait to find in a football manager these days.

He'll finish off with a foul mouthed tirade at some spotty up and coming journo who asks him why he thinks he's the right man for the job which will go something like:-

Are yee for ****ing real like? Did you not hear my interview a couple of weeks ago man? I'm the best ****ing coach in the premier league man...are you a ****ing ostrich? HAVE YEE GOT YA ****ING HEED IN THE SAND ??? **** this ****..I'm off - tarra ya ****s.

 

I can see it panning out exactly like that.
Although before the holiday he will most likely shoe horn a round of golf in.

 

Like it. Although if we win and Hull draw, we stay up.

 

Lol, OP lost the plot a touch. If we win by one goal, nothing else matters!!!

What I'm really interested in is the decision by Charnley. Or, more to the point, the decision ABOUT Charnley. Whatever happens, this has been a catastrophic fck up. Can these idiots stay on? Will the fat moron at the top blindly and blithely just do it all again?

I personally think there are two messages ready for Sunday @ 6pm - 1) we the club feel we have let John down and his application and accent tells us he should be given a fresh start for the new season in the PL, please buy your shirts here ......, or 2) we the club feel we have let John down and his application and accent tells us he should be given a fresh start for the new season in the Championship, please buy your shirts here ......

 

Survival will justify the appointment of Carver. As long as we remain a PL club, that is all Ashley cares about.

 

Aye my bad lads and lasses, got it all the wrong way round - if Hull win and we draw we're down. It's still in our hands, not that that's much comfort !

I also hear that Carver only wants us to stay up cos if we get relegated we've got no chance of signing Charlie Austin....and he really wants to see BRS eating the tip of his own bellend

 

Why wouldn't he? He's the best golfer in the world !

 

Carver will spout the same old crap.

 

To be honest, if we stay up then who get's the manager's job isn't necessarily the main issue to me.

There's obviously the problem of the owner overshadowing everything, but then there's also got to be serious questions asked about how we've managed to assemble such an awful squad.

Over the last season and a half we've played 56 games and got 13 wins, 10 draws, 33 defeats. We've scored 52 and conceded 98.

Even taking into account Ashley's lack of investment, how have we come to have a side packed with so many players who aren't good enough?

 

Carver....

" im pleased I have been given the chance to put right the nightmare of a season we have just endured. I am allready planning for League 2, in which I hope we can at least appear competitive. Up the Mags"

FCUK OFF YOU FCUKING GOBLIN FACED FCUKWIT!! I HOPE YOU DIE BEFORE I DO, YOU CNUT.!!!

I hope this appears as a balanced view of our current situation. Having taken arguments from both sides of the argument, I have to draw the current conclusion! WNAKERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

We will not defeat West Ham in a million years, we have the worst squad in the league by a country mile. Not a chance.

Still, Man Utd are a million times better than Hull, I'd be shocked if they actually lost.

 

Bruce has failed to win in 20 managerial attempts.....you just know attempt no 21 is gonna come off.

Had it not been the last game of the season, the post race shenanigans for the F1 in Monaco would have provided me with more entertainment and I would have kept it on in favour of the footy but I just can't bring myself to not watch it...as bad as I fear it may be !

 

Huh?

If Hull draw we stay up. We only go down if we lose or draw and Hull win.

 

'sometimes when you win, you really lose.. and sometimes when you lose, you really win., and sometimes when you win or lose, you actually tie ,and sometimes when you tie, you actually win or lose ' Rosie Perez, White Men Cant Jump, 1992

 

Well then good luck with either winning, losing, or tieing the FINAL of the 'Even better than Nev's better-than-all-the-rest Fantasy Football knock one out cup'.

 

thanks obi i have saw the thread and have been plotting my path to victory, hopefully my tactic of bringing in cisse for the half hour he had last week and the inevitable ten minutes he gets today comes to fruition. if that fails, i have sissoko also from last week to continue his non scoring form this week. Im great at this fantasy lark

 

Love that sig!